#143: Aren't Conversations Annoying?

In which Lauren & Mattias provide a conversational skills crash course. They review their recent movie night films and discuss various topics such as drama and saying hi to cats.

Content:

• Opening
  • Fruits?
• Weekly check in
• Movie on!
  •  Jumanji
  • The Arrival
• Intermission
• Crash course on conversational skills
  • What to do when you mess up or feel awkward
  • How to not be socially awkward
  • What if you just aren't good with words
• Wrap up
• Live Mad Libs! Septemmber 13, 2025 8pm CET/2pm EST on Twitch @roastytoastyghostypodcast

Chapters

• 0:00 Episode Introduction
• 8:46 Catching Up On Our Week
• 14:38 Movie Night: Jumanji and The Arrival
• 24:28 Crash Course on Conversation Skills
• 36:24 How to Handle Awkward Moments
• 42:26 Building Social Confidence
• 49:03 Episode Wrap-Up

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

in a world where everything is unscripted. This is roasty toasty ghost, hi hello. So should we talk about fruits today?

Speaker 2: 0:20

no, no, it's. We don't have to talk at all if you don't want to.

Speaker 1: 0:25

Okay, but I think we should talk about something today though.

Speaker 2: 0:32

Maybe we should.

Speaker 1: 0:33

Yeah, we can try to keep it short.

Speaker 2: 0:36

That would be cool. I'm okay with them.

Speaker 1: 0:38

Yeah, me too Fruits.

Speaker 2: 0:40

No, we all know, you like apples.

Speaker 1: 0:42

I do.

Speaker 2: 0:43

Should we open this up? Kiwi, yeah, you do like kiwi.

Speaker 1: 0:45

Yeah, that's probably my favorite. Yes, Thanks for asking You're welcome.

Speaker 2: 0:50

Excuse me for assuming that it was an apple. You eat apples every day.

Speaker 1: 0:55

I like apples too.

Speaker 2: 0:56

Okay, I would hope so. Yeah, Otherwise it would be a sad life.

Speaker 1: 1:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:00

If you felt forced to eat an apple every day.

Speaker 1: 1:03

I hate apples.

Speaker 2: 1:04

You took that line too seriously.

Speaker 1: 1:07

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:08

An apple a day. Keep the doctor away.

Speaker 1: 1:11

Yeah, no one says anything about kiwis, so I'm not eating kiwis. No, ever again.

Speaker 2: 1:18

They don't do anything good for me. No.

Speaker 1: 1:22

Okay, let's start this.

Speaker 2: 1:24

Can we open this up? Yeah, let's open, all right.

Speaker 1: 1:27

We're gonna do a double open today.

Speaker 2: 1:29

Yay, hello and welcome to Roasty Toasty Ghosty. My name is Lauren.

Speaker 1: 1:38

And I am Matias.

Speaker 2: 1:40

And we're gonna be your besties for the next hour or so.

Speaker 1: 1:44

Yeah, yeah, that is true.

Speaker 2: 1:46

And we're going to have a super fun episode today.

Speaker 1: 1:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:50

Yeah, that's just how it is.

Speaker 1: 1:51

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:52

I'm laying down the truth right here and I'm not laying down. No, I'm sitting in a chair, but I'm putting everything on the table right now.

Speaker 1: 2:01

Yeah, matias.

Speaker 2: 2:02

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:06

How are?

Speaker 2: 2:06

you doing? I'm doing well, cool, how are you? I'm good, I'm tired, though.

Speaker 1: 2:09

Yeah, that goes for me too.

Speaker 2: 2:11

Do you want to tell me about your week?

Speaker 1: 2:14

Okay, saturday what happened Saturday?

Speaker 2: 2:16

We recorded on Saturday we did, we did. You met me outside work. Oh yeah, oh yeah oh yeah, I was there, stuck in a meeting longer than expected and you hung out outside for longer than expected. Yeah, and what did you do?

Speaker 1: 2:36

I waited.

Speaker 2: 2:37

You didn't just wait.

Speaker 1: 2:39

I walked around and then I had milkshake yeah, milkshake.

Speaker 2: 2:43

Milkshake, milkshake.

Speaker 1: 2:51

Milkshake and then, when I got out, we had another milkshake.

Speaker 2: 2:53

Yeah, and hamburgers yeah, we had a burger, I had a chicken burger and you had a regular burger.

Speaker 1: 2:58

I had a hamburger.

Speaker 2: 2:58

And we both got a milkshake. Yes, we shared some fries too, but yeah, yeah. And then we wandered around right and we got on a bus yes and came to my place and then we recorded yeah, last episode, yeah that's what happened.

Speaker 1: 3:15

Yep, true story for the people who don't believe it okay, uh, but then monday what about sunday?

Speaker 2: 3:23

sunday also happened yeah I hadn't been home like all week, it felt like, and so I spent the day with my family yeah yeah, sunday I mostly stayed home and tried cleaning up a bit and my daughter had gymnastics that day, the first day for the season, and then I also went to gymnastics for the first day of the season.

Speaker 1: 3:48

Oh yeah, you were fully booked.

Speaker 2: 3:51

I was. We wanted to go for a walk, but I was fully booked so we didn't.

Speaker 1: 3:56

That's right Now, I remember.

Speaker 2: 3:58

Gymnastics went well. It was scary because I missed a season so I was like kind of coming back and it was scary and I've been sore for like the rest of the week.

Speaker 1: 4:11

Yeah, it's funny you say I missed the season. It wasn't you missed a class or one week, it was a whole season.

Speaker 2: 4:20

Well, it was because they had changed the schedule on me and I.

Speaker 1: 4:26

You couldn't do it.

Speaker 2: 4:28

I wasn't going to put myself through that because I was already stressed over whatever was happening in my life at the time.

Speaker 1: 4:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:35

So I just I skipped a season.

Speaker 1: 4:38

Yeah, but it went well now.

Speaker 2: 4:40

It went well, but everything felt like it was the first time. Yeah, it was kind of scary. I mean, I survived, but everything felt like it was the first time. Yeah, it was kind of scary.

Speaker 1: 4:46

I mean, I survived, but yeah, didn't you complain about soreness.

Speaker 2: 4:52

I have been sore like all week from that.

Speaker 1: 4:55

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:56

Because we did some strength training as well at the end and I haven't been going to the gym.

Speaker 1: 5:02

No, you haven't.

Speaker 2: 5:03

For like a couple months now. So I'm feeling it.

Speaker 1: 5:06

Yeah, so what did you?

Speaker 2: 5:09

do on Monday or Sunday? On Sunday I don't want to talk about Sunday, no.

Speaker 1: 5:15

I just stayed home and edited. That's a difficult word.

Speaker 2: 5:21

Edited.

Speaker 1: 5:22

Edited. That's what I did, both podcast and video.

Speaker 2: 5:27

What did you do on Monday?

Speaker 1: 5:28

On Monday I went to work.

Speaker 2: 5:31

Wow.

Speaker 1: 5:31

Yeah, I mean. In short, I can tell you that my week at work has been long and boring.

Speaker 2: 5:38

That's not nice.

Speaker 1: 5:39

No, I did not like this work week at all. So what did you do on Monday?

Speaker 2: 5:44

I also didn't enjoy my work week because it was non-existent. I haven't worked all week. I like was working non-stop last week and then this week. I just didn't.

Speaker 1: 5:55

Are you complaining about not working and I am complaining about working.

Speaker 2: 6:00

Maybe slightly. I mean, I don't want to complain about not working, but after a few months of being unemployed and then finally getting a job and not being able to do that job, Now that you're trained and everything. Yeah, I'm trained mostly, but I have no opportunity to work.

Speaker 1: 6:21

No. So I've just been waiting for a schedule to come in all week and nothing's come in oh yeah, but we did go for a walk, right we?

Speaker 2: 6:31

have walked every single day.

Speaker 1: 6:33

Yeah, I believe we did Monday, right yeah?

Speaker 2: 6:36

Tuesday was the first day of school for the kids. All of my kids are in school now. Not right now, they should be in bed, yeah, but they've started school, which is crazy.

Speaker 1: 6:47

Yeah, wednesday.

Speaker 2: 6:49

What happened on Wednesday.

Speaker 1: 6:50

I worked Same boring week you.

Speaker 2: 6:53

I think I took the kids out to eat waffles.

Speaker 1: 6:56

Oh, okay.

Speaker 2: 6:57

Yeah, that's nice, it was good.

Speaker 1: 6:59

Yeah, thursday.

Speaker 2: 7:00

What did I do yesterday?

Speaker 1: 7:01

We went for a walk.

Speaker 2: 7:02

We did I worked Boring job.

Speaker 1: 7:04

I did Mm Boring job.

Speaker 2: 7:05

I did not work.

Speaker 1: 7:06

No.

Speaker 2: 7:07

Yeah, I didn't really do anything but today's Friday, yeah, and we watched movies. We did that Would you like to movie on?

Speaker 1: 7:14

Yeah, let's movie on.

Speaker 2: 7:16

Okay, tonight we watched Jumanji. Yes, the first one, yeah, the original and the Arrival, yes, but we watched Jumanji first.

Speaker 1: 7:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:27

So would you like to talk about Jumanji?

Speaker 1: 7:29

Okay, so Jumanji is about a board game like possessed board game. It's about this boy at the time. He plays the game with a girl and gets trapped inside the game and is stuck there for 26 years until a new couple kids continue to play this game and releases him from that trap. Now they have to find the other girl from 26 years ago and the four of them have to finish the game. Yeah, that's what it's about, right?

Speaker 2: 8:08

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 8:08

What did you think about this movie?

Speaker 2: 8:10

I really like this movie. Fun fact, I don't know how many times I've mentioned this to you, but this movie was filmed pretty much where I grew up, yeah, so that's kind of cool. So I always like to annoy the people I'm watching with and point out all the places in the scenes that I recognize. So I mean it's kind of like going home watching this movie.

Speaker 1: 8:37

Yeah, it's nice. It's kind of weird that they don't even say that it is the place that it is.

Speaker 2: 8:45

Yeah, it takes place in another town in New Hampshire.

Speaker 1: 8:49

Yeah, that's kind of weird, but it's filmed in Keene or parts of it. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:55

But it was also filmed in Maine in Canada, which is also fun facts.

Speaker 1: 9:01

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 9:02

No, I really like this movie. It's funny, and another fun fact is that it gave me nightmares when I was a kid. Yeah, I dreamt that there were elephants stampeding through my house. Oh, okay, it wasn't nice and I love Robin Williams.

Speaker 1: 9:18

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 9:19

He's in this movie he is in this movie? I don't know if you mentioned that, no, I don't think I did. He is and yeah it's good. How do you feel about this movie?

Speaker 1: 9:27

It is really funny. It has some pretty good effects for the time. But you know now maybe you can see it's a dated movie, but I still think it has fairly good effects. I mean the monkeys, though, look kind of weird.

Speaker 2: 9:49

They do. Did you see the monkey in the fridge? How it lagged a little bit, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:55

But wasn't it supposed to be freezing like shaking from?

Speaker 2: 10:01

Maybe it was, but it still looked like it lagged a bit.

Speaker 1: 10:04

Yes, I saw that too.

Speaker 2: 10:06

It was a fun catch.

Speaker 1: 10:07

Yeah, but still fun movie. I can understand that you got nightmares from it. I'm sure you were younger when you first saw it than I was. Maybe, yeah, I don't know what else to say. Next movie the Arrival.

Speaker 2: 10:23

This is a movie with Charlie Sheen and he is searching for aliens. Yeah, and he finds some. Yes, a lot of people turn out to be aliens. It's kind of scary if you think about it.

Speaker 1: 10:38

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:39

Everyone around you is an alien.

Speaker 1: 10:41

Just assume yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:42

Are you an alien?

Speaker 1: 10:43

Yeah. Maybe A little bit okay, I meant to tell you, but that explains a lot.

Speaker 2: 10:50

So yeah, I think that's basically it, and a lot of people are trying to hide the aliens. Mostly the aliens are trying to hide the aliens? Yeah, because they can hide inside like human bodies or what like a skin yeah, so they look like humans, yeah it's kind of like in video games if you have like a mod, you can put on different skins yeah that's kind of what it was, I think. What did you think about this movie?

Speaker 1: 11:18

it is kind of weird, but I I don't know. I kind of like it though. And speaking of effects, this one too.

Speaker 2: 11:27

Yeah, I mean they're both from like, generally the same time yeah, 95, 96. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:34

So yeah, it has dated effects for the aliens. It's pretty cool. I feel like I don't lose interest in the movie while watching it, so that's a good sign. I guess Ron Silver is in it. He's a bad guy. You asked is he the bad guy?

Speaker 2: 11:54

Yeah, I saw it like right in the beginning.

Speaker 1: 11:56

Yeah, but what did you think about this movie?

Speaker 2: 11:59

I felt like this movie was kind of long. I mean, I enjoyed it.

Speaker 1: 12:03

Okay.

Speaker 2: 12:03

But yeah, I don't know, I felt like A bit, you know. And I felt like there were parts where I just I didn't really know what was going on.

Speaker 1: 12:16

Okay.

Speaker 2: 12:16

Like when he was going through the ship.

Speaker 1: 12:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:20

And he was like looking at all the things. I was like what is that?

Speaker 1: 12:24

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:25

What does that do? What's it doing? What's going on? I enjoyed the concept, though, yeah, the story.

Speaker 1: 12:32

Yeah. Also all the girls had short hair.

Speaker 2: 12:38

Yeah, I don't know why, no, but both the girls were blonde and had short hair yeah, so did you mix them up I could have easily, but I don't think I did no maybe. Maybe in the scenes where they were like going back and forth between the two girls, but there was a point where I could tell them apart.

Speaker 1: 12:56

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:57

But movies shouldn't do that. No, don't have girls who look similar or anyone who looks similar?

Speaker 1: 13:03

at all.

Speaker 2: 13:03

Unless they're supposed to.

Speaker 1: 13:05

Yeah, here's my advice for action filmmakers Don't have two characters that look alike and are dressed the same fight. You don't know which one is which.

Speaker 2: 13:18

Right.

Speaker 1: 13:19

So it's better if you have two.

Speaker 2: 13:21

Very different.

Speaker 1: 13:23

Yeah, different colors on the shirts or something. So you know which is which.

Speaker 2: 13:28

But that's all I had to say about that one. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:30

Okay, so it was an okay movie.

Speaker 2: 13:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:33

Long.

Speaker 2: 13:33

It was long. It wasn't bad. I didn't dislike it.

Speaker 1: 13:37

No.

Speaker 2: 13:37

Because I said I liked it.

Speaker 1: 13:39

No, you are allowed to have your own opinion about movies. But that was that, I guess.

Speaker 2: 13:45

Yeah, anything else.

Speaker 1: 13:47

No, oh yeah. It's kind of funny how there are some similarities between these movies, and one thing is that at the end there's like everything gets sucked into a vortex kind of you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 14:03

That happened with both the movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah I.

Speaker 1: 14:07

I thought that was kind of funny. I didn't even think about that when making the lists, but those are just things that happens yeah, all right, would you like to take a break? Yeah, all right, we'll be what.

Speaker 2: 14:19

Let's take a break okay, we'll be right back yeah, and we're back we are. Do you know what we're doing today? Uh no okay, you know something I noticed about you. I'm gonna attack you a little bit because I feel like it probably should drama here we just I just want to start a little drama okay okay, you don't have the best conversational skills.

Speaker 1: 14:55

How dare you?

Speaker 2: 14:57

Okay, neither of us talk very well.

Speaker 1: 15:01

Neither of speak, no good.

Speaker 2: 15:04

Right.

Speaker 1: 15:07

That means, we speak good, maybe, maybe.

Speaker 2: 15:10

But this is great for people who host a podcast.

Speaker 1: 15:14

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2: 15:15

I guess it's kind of funny.

Speaker 1: 15:17

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:18

But I figured today.

Speaker 1: 15:20

What People feel better about themselves when they hear us.

Speaker 2: 15:25

I would hope so.

Speaker 1: 15:26

I think so.

Speaker 2: 15:27

You feel smart.

Speaker 1: 15:28

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:29

You're welcome. So I figured today we should have a crash course on conversational skills. Sounds good, brought to you by Open Eyes.

Speaker 1: 15:41

Yay, open Eyes brings so much.

Speaker 2: 15:46

We learn so much from this. Yeah, putting my glasses on like an old lady.

Speaker 1: 15:53

I was just about to say that, but I'm happy you were the one who said it. I'm thinking more like a librarian.

Speaker 2: 16:03

A kink.

Speaker 1: 16:04

Who should stay home?

Speaker 2: 16:06

Yeah, a librarian with a cold.

Speaker 1: 16:09

Yeah, because she has a really bad cold.

Speaker 2: 16:13

I'm Open Eyes. My name is Open Eyes. I'm here to teach you about conversational skills.

Speaker 1: 16:21

Cough at people.

Speaker 2: 16:24

So I've got a list of seven things.

Speaker 1: 16:34

Apparently, you haven't read the list yet.

Speaker 2: 16:37

No, I haven't Okay. Number one starting a conversation Openers Okay, use Okay. Okay, I'm going to talk normally now. Yeah, use simple low pressure openers Like hi, how's your day going? Or that looks interesting, what is it?

Speaker 1: 16:57

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:58

That's usually how you should start conversations.

Speaker 1: 17:02

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 17:03

Hey, that looks interesting.

Speaker 1: 17:04

What is it?

Speaker 2: 17:05

Context helps. So comment on something you both share, like environment, event, mutual interest. This is nice environment we have over here. I made that one up. That wasn't okay.

Speaker 1: 17:19

Okay, that wasn't okay it wasn't funny. Okay, no, say it again.

Speaker 2: 17:24

I don't know what I said, so I can't you have to listen, yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:28

I'm going to laugh then.

Speaker 2: 17:29

Right.

Speaker 1: 17:29

I'll let you know that I laughed, I'm sure I.

Speaker 2: 17:32

I'll let you know that I left.

Speaker 1: 17:33

I'm sure I'm going to cut it.

Speaker 2: 17:34

So number two keep it flowing. Listen actively, nod, smile, keep eye contact, don't just wait to speak, okay.

Speaker 1: 17:43

Okay.

Speaker 2: 17:44

Follow the 70-30 rule. Aim for them to talk 70% of the time and you 30. Huh, and ask open-ended questions, not just yes or no, instead of did you like it? Try, what did you like?

Speaker 1: 17:59

about it Okay.

Speaker 2: 18:02

Are you learning or not getting it?

Speaker 1: 18:03

I'm thinking it depends on what you're talking about, though, right?

Speaker 2: 18:09

Yeah, number three good topics, shared experiences like the setting event, work or mutual friends. Or you can talk about light personal stuff like hobbies, travel, favorite foods and weekend plans. Yeah, Talk about positive things. Avoid complaints early on.

Speaker 1: 18:28

Oh, that's a problem.

Speaker 2: 18:29

So if you want to complain, make sure it's sorry towards the end of the conversation, like if you feel like this person seems like they're going to leave soon, this is a good time to start complaining.

Speaker 1: 18:42

Wait, wait, wait. I just had one thing to say.

Speaker 2: 18:45

I don't like blah blah blah. Isn't this annoying? Aren't conversations annoying, okay?

Speaker 1: 18:54

Why are you so annoying?

Speaker 2: 18:56

I hate talking to people. Number four reading cues oh reading cues.

Speaker 1: 19:02

Reading cues Like they have cue cards yeah yeah, no, like I think, body language.

Speaker 2: 19:10

So if they lean in, smile or mirror you, they're engaged.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Marry you.

Speaker 2: 19:16

To someone else. If they lean, smile or marry you, they're engaged to someone else.

Speaker 1: 19:22

Oh, that's a problem.

Speaker 2: 19:26

I said mirror you.

Speaker 1: 19:28

Mirror okay.

Speaker 2: 19:28

Mirror.

Speaker 1: 19:29

Okay, yes.

Speaker 2: 19:31

They are engaged in the conversation. If they look away, often give short answers or check their phone, wrap it up politely. That one, I'm going to say, needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

Speaker 1: 19:46

Okay.

Speaker 2: 19:46

Because I know that I don't always look people in the eye when I'm talking to them.

Speaker 1: 19:51

No.

Speaker 2: 19:51

But that doesn't mean that I'm not listening. It means I think I'm processing more. Like I don't know If I'm in like a meaningful conversation. I will look you in the eyes.

Speaker 1: 20:04

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:04

But if I'm getting directions, I will look away.

Speaker 1: 20:08

Yeah, Sometimes it feels weird to look straight into the eyes of people. I kind of you know. That's enough of that, let's look over there instead.

Speaker 2: 20:21

I'm done looking at you. Yeah, I want to look at that thing instead, yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:25

I don't know why I keep eye contact for too long. It's weird for me.

Speaker 2: 20:30

Yeah, number five, contributing your part.

Speaker 1: 20:36

Okay.

Speaker 2: 20:36

So share small personal stories or opinions. Balance questions with sharing. So use yes and instead of shutting things down.

Speaker 1: 20:45

Okay, so it's like improv.

Speaker 2: 20:49

Yeah, that's what conversations are anyway, yeah, I guess. If you think about it.

Speaker 1: 20:55

But you don't have to make it funny.

Speaker 2: 20:57

Not always.

Speaker 1: 20:58

I usually want to, though.

Speaker 2: 20:59

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:00

I don't know, sometimes I'm not that good at it.

Speaker 2: 21:04

So if they say I love hiking, you can say yes, and I have been meaning to try that trail nearby. Have you been? Oh yeah, have you been there?

Speaker 1: 21:18

But what if I don't care too much about hiking? Should I still ask what if I don't really care what they have to say?

Speaker 2: 21:25

Yeah, what if I?

Speaker 1: 21:27

just need to listen to myself.

Speaker 2: 21:30

I think you have a problem here. This is what you can do. Number six ending smoothly. Okay, don't just vanish. You can't just turn around and walk away.

Speaker 1: 21:40

Oh.

Speaker 2: 21:41

If someone comes up to you and says I love hiking, you can't just ignore them and walk away.

Speaker 1: 21:46

I'm gonna hike now.

Speaker 2: 21:48

I'm gonna go take a hike, yeah, um, so oh yeah, that's what you should say.

Speaker 1: 21:54

Okay, Take a hike.

Speaker 2: 21:55

Then go do that, leave me alone, okay. So wrap it up, naturally, so you can say it was great talking to you, I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing. But if you want to reconnect, uh, you can say I'd love to continue this later, want to grab coffee sometime? Number seven you can practice.

Speaker 1: 22:21

Okay, on whom?

Speaker 2: 22:22

You can practice short chats with baristas, cashiers and coworkers. Focus on connection, not perfection. Awkward moments are normal and treat it like a skill. The more you practice, the easier it flows. What if you just aren't good with words?

Speaker 1: 22:40

Oh yeah, that's a problem for me. I am bad at words, bad with words, bad on words. No, it's okay. I'm just proving my point that I'm bad with words. Okay At words Under words. Okay At words Under words In words Out, words so. Yes.

Speaker 2: 23:01

My next question was what do you do when you mess up or feel awkward? Okay, so feeling awkward is normal, yeah, and the way you handle it often matters more than the awkward moment itself. So here's what to do when it happens Acknowledge and move on. If you say something off or stumble on words, just smile and lightly acknowledge. Ha, that came out weird.

Speaker 1: 23:26

What I meant was dot dot dot, okay, and you say dot, dot dot.

Speaker 2: 23:31

What I meant was dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, and then you just like space out I don't I don't actually know what I meant saved it okay, you can also say I'm overthinking my words. Let me try again oh quick acknowledgement makes it human instead of cringe. You can use humor humor, but lightly.

Speaker 1: 23:54

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not, I'm just tired.

Speaker 2: 23:59

You're not interested. Should we wrap this?

Speaker 1: 24:01

up. No, please tell me Humor. I try to do that sometimes Lightly, oh no.

Speaker 2: 24:09

Self-deprecating humor can diffuse tension, but keep it light.

Speaker 1: 24:14

Okay.

Speaker 2: 24:14

You can say wow, that was smooth. Not Don't say that, please don't say that, don't ever say things like that.

Speaker 1: 24:22

Okay, but I just say that when other people stumble, then you're a douche.

Speaker 2: 24:30

Yeah, you can also say clearly I need more coffee today no you. You should say that in an ironic sense okay I need more coffee today blah blah. Uh, don't overdo it though.

Speaker 1: 24:45

Just one joke, and then move on okay, oh, okay and then keep on riffing, just wow, that was smooth, Not Clearly.

Speaker 2: 24:53

I need more coffee today.

Speaker 1: 24:57

I am an idiot. Yeah, 15 minutes later I'm still used to going You're trying too hard.

Speaker 2: 25:05

Okay, shift the focus back, redirect back to them. Anyway, tell me more about your trip. What was your favorite part? People love talking about themselves, so it quickly resets the vibe. You like talking about yourself?

Speaker 1: 25:19

I do yeah.

Speaker 2: 25:20

Yeah, I do, you do.

Speaker 1: 25:22

But you also like talking about yourself.

Speaker 2: 25:25

I also like talking about you Next.

Speaker 1: 25:28

Okay.

Speaker 2: 25:28

Stay in the moment. Don't replay the mistake in your head. Most people don't notice or care as much as you think, so keep your body language relaxed, smile, uncross your arms and keep eye contact.

Speaker 1: 25:41

Okay, that's.

Speaker 2: 25:43

That's difficult because I always overthink Me too After.

Speaker 1: 25:47

And I often cross my arms.

Speaker 2: 25:51

You're an angry person.

Speaker 1: 25:53

I'm not. No, cross my arms. You're an angry person? I'm not. No, I'm sometimes, but um, I I feel like I don't know why I cross my arms, because it's not like I'm not I'm. It's not like I'm not angry, okay, no, the opposite. It's not like I'm angry or anything, it's just I, you know, feel it.

Speaker 2: 26:16

You're insecure, maybe, and that's why maybe yeah that's your answer is that true?

Speaker 1: 26:22

yeah, how do you know?

Speaker 2: 26:23

I know you okay, maybe you're just so unsure and indecisive all the time. So you're kind of like you're holding yourself together.

Speaker 1: 26:33

But I also kind of like to rest my arms on my arms. It's a good armrest.

Speaker 2: 26:44

Your arms make good armrests yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:46

Okay, those are the only armrests. I trust my own arms.

Speaker 2: 26:52

What if they fall off?

Speaker 1: 26:54

Then-.

Speaker 2: 26:54

They're resting on the ground.

Speaker 1: 26:56

That's a problem, yeah.

Speaker 2: 26:57

I guess, so it could also be a problem. Yeah there's two ways to look at this. Okay, it's either a problem because you no longer have arms. It's also not a problem because your arms are relaxing on the ground.

Speaker 1: 27:09

Yeah, I mean, I guess I would make a joke about it. I guess I'm de-armed.

Speaker 2: 27:18

Well, that was smooth, not Whoops Dropped my arms.

Speaker 1: 27:27

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:27

Okay If it's more scurious, like if you accidentally offend someone, a simple sincere apology works. You cannot use sarcasm in this situation Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. And then just move forward without dragging it out. No, I'm really sorry.

Speaker 1: 27:47

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:48

Did I hurt your feelings? Why? Tell me why it hurts your feelings.

Speaker 1: 27:52

I'm so, so sorry, don't do that, no, okay.

Speaker 2: 27:56

And then reframe the awkwardness. So remember that awkwardness is equal to authenticity. Showing you can handle small slip-ups with ease actually makes you seem more confident and approachable. So laugh it off, learn and lean back in Next, next, next. My next question was how to not be socially awkward, that's yeah. Was that the same?

Speaker 1: 28:23

Sounds interesting, what the same?

Speaker 2: 28:26

The same as my last question.

Speaker 1: 28:27

I don't think so.

Speaker 2: 28:28

Okay. So being socially awkward usually comes down to three things Overthinking, lack of practice and low comfort in social settings. But you can train your way out of it, okay. Okay, we're going to learn how to not be socially awkward.

Speaker 1: 28:45

Oh, that's good yeah. I really need that.

Speaker 2: 28:47

Yeah, you do, number one out of six. Okay, okay, it's not so bad.

Speaker 1: 28:54

No, it could be worse.

Speaker 2: 28:55

It could be worse. Shift your mindset. Stop chasing perfect Matias.

Speaker 1: 29:02

Okay.

Speaker 2: 29:02

Conversations don't need to be flawless. Connection matters more than performance.

Speaker 1: 29:08

Good to know.

Speaker 2: 29:10

So you know.

Speaker 1: 29:12

Okay, so you have to connect. That's better than perform Like on a stage.

Speaker 2: 29:18

As long as you connect, the performance can go however it wants to. Okay, assume people like you. This is my biggest flaw. Okay, because I am convinced everybody hates me.

Speaker 1: 29:30

Okay.

Speaker 2: 29:31

Nobody likes me, I'm pretty sure. Okay the majority of people that I meet, they probably just don't like me. Do you feel that way, or is it just me?

Speaker 1: 29:40

No, I feel that way. Okay, okay, cool that they don't like me, I mean.

Speaker 2: 29:44

That they don't like me. No, don't like me. I mean that they don't like me. No, yeah, they don't like you. You walk around all day thinking nobody likes lauren. All these people around me, they don't like lauren that person doesn't like lauren.

Speaker 1: 30:00

That person does like strangers. That person wouldn't like lauren.

Speaker 2: 30:05

No, you probably wouldn't like lauren. That person wouldn't like lauren. No, you probably wouldn't like lauren. Um, okay, so assume people like you. Most people are too focused. Most people are too focused on themselves to scrutinize you I like that.

Speaker 1: 30:19

You got an owl in there I didn't even hurt myself I just bonked the phone into the microphone. Phone Microwave In your go phone.

Speaker 2: 30:32

Bonk. Okay, most people are too focused on themselves to scrutinize you. If you act like you belong, others will follow, okay.

Speaker 1: 30:41

Makes sense.

Speaker 2: 30:42

Cool Two Master the basics of body language. Body language Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Okay, smile, thank you?

Speaker 1: 30:54

Was that the performance? You didn't connect.

Speaker 2: 30:58

Oh, we need to connect.

Speaker 1: 31:00

Yeah so.

Speaker 2: 31:01

I can perform Smile, smile when you greet someone.

Speaker 1: 31:09

Okay.

Speaker 2: 31:10

Open posture Uncross your arms.

Speaker 1: 31:13

Oh.

Speaker 2: 31:13

Don't fidget.

Speaker 1: 31:14

I thought it would say open pasta.

Speaker 2: 31:17

Open your pasta, look here. It is Eye contact. Okay, look at their eyes. About 60 to 70% of the time Glance away. Naturally, don't stare at people which I will stare at you. If I'm trying to get a point across, I'm going to stare at you, in your eyes, inside your eyeballs.

Speaker 1: 31:40

Okay.

Speaker 2: 31:40

I can see into your soul, maybe.

Speaker 1: 31:45

Do I have one? It's very dark, yeah, very dark in there very dark it's too dark that was my soul my soul says it's too dark.

Speaker 2: 31:59

Okay your voice, though.

Speaker 1: 32:01

Fix your voice yeah, okay, is that too dark?

Speaker 2: 32:04

don't sound like you're going through puberty. No, Okay. Slightly slower and clearer than usual is equal to calm and confident.

Speaker 1: 32:16

Yeah, I feel like I have a problem with speaking.

Speaker 2: 32:21

Okay, too.

Speaker 1: 32:23

No, I mean mumbling is a problem for me, Mumbling is a problem for a lot of people.

Speaker 2: 32:29

Yeah yeah, I'm pretty sure other people agree that a lot of people mumble.

Speaker 1: 32:36

Yeah, and I don't know, but a lot of people speak so quietly, why?

Speaker 2: 32:45

Why, Like, especially when you're in front of a group and people are like okay, well, you know, I'm going to talk to people and stuff and nobody can hear them. No, and if you are aware that you're talking to a large group of people, you would think speak up, Raise the volume a bit.

Speaker 1: 33:07

Or shut up.

Speaker 2: 33:11

Or yeah, and then everyone's just standing around being like what are we doing if the person holding this meeting in front of a group of people is just standing there not saying anything? Yeah, because they're aware that they cannot raise their voice I'm not gonna speak up, so I just shut up.

Speaker 1: 33:24

I'm not gonna bother speak up, so I just shut up, I'm not going to bother. No, and some people. It seems like they start fairly loud and then go quieter.

Speaker 2: 33:34

Yeah, okay, number three.

Speaker 1: 33:37

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 33:38

Use simple conversation skills, like we just talked about, right, okay. So you used your warm openers like hey, how's your day going? Oh, yeah, and you smiled too. Hey, how's?

Speaker 1: 33:47

your day going. Oh yeah, and you smiled too, hey how's your day going?

Speaker 2: 33:52

That works better than trying to be clever.

Speaker 1: 33:54

Okay, I don't know what it means by that. How can you be?

Speaker 2: 33:57

clever, I don't know. Then you can follow up using the Ford method.

Speaker 1: 34:02

Hire some Ford.

Speaker 2: 34:04

Yeah, easy. Topics like family, occupation and dreams. Huh, I'm not sure if they all have to be about harrison ford probably you have to talk about his family, his occupation, obviously the movies he's been in yeah, actor uh, recreation what he likes to do in his free time yeah and his dreams yeah, I mean he likes to fly and crash planes, right?

Speaker 1: 34:32

uh, maybe I don't know. I know that he did that once at least okay, he crashed a plane yeah all right, is he alive? Yeah, okay good so yeah, that's like, I think, more than 10 years ago or so, but you know what?

Speaker 2: 34:49

It was kind of funny because you know there was this one Star Wars movie that came out, the Force Awakens.

Speaker 1: 34:59

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 34:59

In which spoiler alert Harrison Ford dies at the end.

Speaker 1: 35:02

Yeah Right, mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: 35:05

So after I saw that, I had a conversation with someone I don't remember who it was, but they had not seen the movie, but I think they were going to. Was this you? No, it wasn't you. And they brought up Harrison Ford and I was like wait, no, he's dead. Wait, wait, no, that was just the character his character died yeah and not him. I thought it was him for a second.

Speaker 1: 35:32

I don't know, uh, did you ruin the movie for that person?

Speaker 2: 35:36

I don't. I. I might have caught myself before I spoiled it okay but I was thinking that that, um anyway, uh, active listening, this is part of your simple conversation skills okay listen. Repeat a keyword from what they said so said keyword you can say, oh, you're into photography, what kind of photos do you take?

Speaker 1: 36:04

uh, okay, so you, you don't just say one word.

Speaker 2: 36:08

No, Unless you're taking their order and then you can repeat it back to them.

Speaker 1: 36:14

Repeat no Ketchup.

Speaker 2: 36:17

No. Ketchup Number four.

Speaker 1: 36:21

Okay.

Speaker 2: 36:22

Practice small interactions with other people. I guess Start with low stakes chats. Say hi to a cashier, that's not so hard, right Hi?

Speaker 1: 36:32

I thought you were going to say cat.

Speaker 2: 36:34

Say hi. Well, I'm sure that's the same Say hi to a cat. Ask your barista how their day is going? I would, but they always seem so busy I don't want to bother them.

Speaker 1: 36:45

What's a barista?

Speaker 2: 36:46

A person at a cafe, the one making coffee okay, like at starbucks or espresso house. Okay, uh, the people working there are usually called baristas they're only making coffee I don't think they only make coffee, but the then I won't talk to them you don't have to. I can order for you if you want.

Speaker 1: 37:06

Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2: 37:07

I recently discovered you don't like this.

Speaker 1: 37:11

I don't like coffee. No, that's true.

Speaker 2: 37:14

I ordered coffee for you. For some reason, you don't like it. Okay, number five. Yes, we've got a couple more here.

Speaker 1: 37:25

Okay.

Speaker 2: 37:26

Handle awkwardness smoothly If you blank smile and say lost my train of thought Anyway.

Speaker 1: 37:33

That's it.

Speaker 2: 37:34

That's it. And then I guess you just stand there and hope something happens Like a train wreck.

Speaker 1: 37:42

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 37:48

If silence happens, don't panic. Ask a simple question. Silence is normal in conversation. I'm guessing, if you both just kind of stop talking, maybe it would be appropriate to be like what time is it?

Speaker 1: 38:03

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 38:04

A simple question is said.

Speaker 1: 38:06

Yeah, weather.

Speaker 2: 38:08

How you doing? Are you still? It said yeah Weather. How you doing? Are you still here?

Speaker 1: 38:12

Hello.

Speaker 2: 38:12

Hello Are you offline. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1: 38:20

Yeah, and I'm thinking don't panic. Wouldn't it be funny if you just started screaming?

Speaker 2: 38:31

That is a severe panic.

Speaker 1: 38:34

Oh no, it's quiet.

Speaker 2: 38:36

You have a panic attack because someone stopped talking to you during a conversation.

Speaker 1: 38:41

Yeah, you just.

Speaker 2: 38:44

Start hyperventilating.

Speaker 1: 38:46

Take out a paper bag.

Speaker 2: 38:51

Oh, I guess you can do that too, just put it over your head.

Speaker 1: 38:54

And scream.

Speaker 2: 38:57

I like to scream in the dark.

Speaker 1: 39:00

Wait a minute, I'm afraid of the dark.

Speaker 2: 39:03

It's too dark. Help.

Speaker 1: 39:07

I'm in a bag and I'm lost and I'm lost.

Speaker 2: 39:10

That could be a title oh my gosh, Okay, okay, If you stumble, laugh it off and say words are hard today.

Speaker 1: 39:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:21

Number six.

Speaker 1: 39:24

That's it. Are you panicking? Yeah, that's it. Are you panicking yeah?

Speaker 2: 39:37

um, so then that's all you say. Uh, words are hard today, yeah, yeah, hopefully they laugh at it too and be like yeah, I also have trouble with words yeah number six build social confidence gradually. Join group activities like sports book clubs and volunteering. Shared context makes easier conversations.

Speaker 1: 39:58

Okay.

Speaker 2: 39:59

Record yourself talking.

Speaker 1: 40:01

Oh, and then laugh at yourself later, we should.

Speaker 2: 40:05

Phone voice notes, I guess is an option.

Speaker 1: 40:08

Uh-huh.

Speaker 2: 40:08

Notice, your notice, your tone pacing and filler words yeah, yeah, um so yeah, anyway, okay okay, okay, reflect after interactions. What went well. What one thing can you improve? Nothing so being less socially awkward is about relaxing, showing genuine interest and practicing. Often, uh, most people aren't judging. You're probably judging yourself more than anyone else is okay, maybe maybe yeah, people probably don't care at all.

Speaker 1: 40:46

I don't know.

Speaker 2: 40:47

Maybe. Okay, my last question. I swear this is the last one.

Speaker 1: 40:52

Okay.

Speaker 2: 40:52

Okay, what if you just aren't good with words, which is what we said earlier, but I put it in here at the end. Okay, so some people don't, yeah, some people just don't read correctly, which is not what it says, but that's what I'm doing. Some people just don't feel naturally smooth with words, and that's okay. You don't need to be a charming talker to connect with people. In fact, being good socially often has more to do with presence and listening than clever phrasing, and I have six points with this one too.

Speaker 1: 41:27

Okay.

Speaker 2: 41:27

Okay, okay, number one, lean into listening.

Speaker 1: 41:31

I'm leaning in.

Speaker 2: 41:32

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 41:33

And I heard what you said.

Speaker 2: 41:35

Good People love talking about themselves, so ask a simple, genuine question and let them expand. How did you get into that?

Speaker 1: 41:44

Oh, I'm guessing their clothes.

Speaker 2: 41:47

Yeah, how did you squeeze into all that? You're so, so thin what do you like most about? It is a question you can ask okay, who are you? Use follow-ups by repeating a keyword. So if they say I went hiking last weekend, you can say hiking, where did you go? What's that why?

Speaker 1: 42:11

Are you stupid?

Speaker 2: 42:13

Number two.

Speaker 1: 42:14

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 42:14

Use short, simple responses.

Speaker 1: 42:17

Huh, yeah.

Speaker 2: 42:18

You don't need long speeches.

Speaker 1: 42:20

No.

Speaker 2: 42:20

Short but engaged is better than rambling. You can say that's cool, or wow, really no way, Tell me more Like that.

Speaker 1: 42:29

Just like that, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2: 42:32

These little nudges keep the conversation going without you carrying it.

Speaker 1: 42:36

Wow, really that's cool. No way Tell me more, all right.

Speaker 2: 42:41

Okay, number three play to nonverbal strengths Warm smile, steady eye contact and relaxed posture. Nod and use small expressions.

Speaker 1: 42:51

Relaxed posture.

Speaker 2: 42:53

Yeah, that's what I know, warm smile, steady eye contact, relaxed posture, Say yeah, right, this shows interest, even when you're not saying much. They will really think that you're interested if you just say mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:10

Mm-hmm, right, mm-hmm, yeah, mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: 43:13

That's cool. Mm-hmm, wow, really, yeah, no way, huh. Tell me more Mm-hmm, huh, huh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, or use shared activities Again. Why Sometimes the body conversations aren't about talking.

Speaker 1: 43:33

No, it's about body. It's about body.

Speaker 2: 43:37

Body conversations are about body. They're about doing something together.

Speaker 1: 43:44

Oh, okay.

Speaker 2: 43:46

It said best conversations, I said body conversations.

Speaker 1: 43:50

Okay.

Speaker 2: 43:50

Okay, I don't care. Number five Prepare a few go-to not to-go go-to questions To-go, of course. Prepare a few questions to-go To snack on on your way to work.

Speaker 1: 44:08

I'll take that in my paper bag.

Speaker 2: 44:11

Take some questions in my lunchbox. Yeah, if you freeze, some freeze up. Having a mental toolbox helps.

Speaker 1: 44:20

Okay.

Speaker 2: 44:21

So you can say what do you usually do on weekends? Or seen any good shows or movies lately, mm-hmm, that's good for you, that's good have. Or seen any good shows or movies lately, that's good for you, that's good. Have you seen any good movies recently?

Speaker 1: 44:33

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 44:33

Can you recommend a movie?

Speaker 1: 44:34

Jumanji.

Speaker 2: 44:35

Yeah, if you could travel anywhere right now, where would you go?

Speaker 1: 44:40

Florida. Okay, I don't know, I haven't been there yet.

Speaker 2: 44:43

No, number six. Okay, remember.

Speaker 1: 44:47

Yes, I remember.

Speaker 2: 44:49

Yes, I remember. Okay, good, you don't have to be the talker.

Speaker 1: 44:56

No.

Speaker 2: 44:57

Every group needs both the talker and the good listener. If you're not wordy. Your strength is making others feel other feet, other feet okay your strength is making others feel heard okay, which people often his feet hurts? Your strength is making others feet hurt, which people often value more of course so you don't have to be good with words you just have to be.

Speaker 1: 45:31

It sounded like you said if you're not worthy.

Speaker 2: 45:34

Right. If you're not worthy, your strength is yeah. If you're not worthy, your strength is making others' feet hurt, which people often value more. So you don't have to be good with words, you just have to be curious, attentive and genuine. People will feel that even if you don't say much yeah, okay and that that was all that's unless you have anything else?

Speaker 1: 46:00

I don't have anything else cool question. I'm reasoning it lauren that's my name yeah, yeah, did's my name. Did you want something? Did you want to say something?

Speaker 2: 46:12

yeah, while we wrap this up, would you like to tell me what is ruining your life? I don't what sounded like you were going to say I love pasta.

Speaker 1: 46:28

I do love pasta, cool, but that's not ruining my life, because I loving pasta I mean maybe because I'm getting fatter. I mean what's ruining my life? I would say it's um a really boring week at work. So right now it's maybe it's good because now it's over, but I really did not enjoy this week.

Speaker 2: 46:51

Can I steal your answer?

Speaker 1: 46:52

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 46:53

Because work has kind of been ruining my life too, except I haven't been working.

Speaker 1: 46:58

We have different problems. The same answer, but different problems.

Speaker 2: 47:02

Right Different perspectives.

Speaker 1: 47:04

Yeah, you want to work more. I want to work less. Right, do you want to switch? Yeah, you want to work more.

Speaker 2: 47:08

I want to work less Right. Do you want to switch?

Speaker 1: 47:11

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 47:12

I don't want to do your job though.

Speaker 1: 47:13

No, no, you don't.

Speaker 2: 47:15

No, I don't. I don't want to deal with the people either.

Speaker 1: 47:18

No.

Speaker 2: 47:19

The majority of them. Some of them are okay.

Speaker 1: 47:21

Yeah, I'm all out of sips.

Speaker 2: 47:24

So am I Sips.

Speaker 1: 47:25

So am I. That means we're all out of episodes.

Speaker 2: 47:30

Oh, this is it.

Speaker 1: 47:32

Yeah, I guess so Sorry.

Speaker 2: 47:34

Only 144? Yeah, that's this one, right, 143?.

Speaker 1: 47:38

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 47:38

Are you sure?

Speaker 1: 47:39

142 was last week's. Oh yeah, it's 143.

Speaker 2: 47:44

Okay, well, that was that.

Speaker 1: 47:46

No, that means we're all out of episode would you like to wrap this up?

Speaker 2: 47:51

yes, all right.

Speaker 1: 47:53

Thanks for listening to the episode thank you again, again again and again um, it was fun. Yeah, I think and sorry that we didn't have live Mad Libs.

Speaker 2: 48:07

Right, life is kind of messy right now, so things are like all over the place yeah.

Speaker 1: 48:15

So there be no August. Live Mad Libs.

Speaker 2: 48:19

Yeah, we're postponing live Mad Libs until right now, we're going to say September 13th.

Speaker 1: 48:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:26

That's what we're saying right now.

Speaker 1: 48:28

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:29

Hopefully we can stick to that one. Yeah hopefully, and whether we plan on drinking or not is to be determined. Since August, live Mad Libs was supposed to be a drunk Mad Libs.

Speaker 1: 48:42

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:42

So yeah, September 13th. We'll say that for now.

Speaker 1: 48:45

Yes, maybe people can say would you like a drunk Live Mad Libs, or a sober one? You can also chime in if you want to.

Speaker 2: 48:54

Yeah, we'll be back next Tuesday with another episode. Yeah, thanks again and see you next week. That's right. Have a good day.

Speaker 1: 49:06

Yes, bye, bye, bye.

Speaker 2: 49:08

Thank you for listening to the Roasty Toasty Ghosty podcast.

Speaker 1: 49:11

If you kind of liked our episode, follow us on the social medias.

Speaker 2: 49:16

We are on Instagram, tiktok and YouTube at Roasty, toasty, ghosty pod and Twitch at Roasty Toasty Ghosty podcast, where we play live man lives every month.

Speaker 1: 49:27

Consider supporting us on Buzzsprout, where you can find deleted content and our entire movie night lists.

Speaker 2: 49:35

We hope you enjoyed this episode, just as we enjoyed making it.

Speaker 1: 49:38

And we'll be back with another one next Tuesday on a podcast provider near you.

Speaker 2: 49:44

Goodbye Mattias, goodbye Lauren.