#166: Why I'm Not A Doctor

In which Lauren & Mattias learn how to deliver and receive bad news. They review their recent movie night films and discuss various topics such as being a fulltime bank robber and having tooth colds.

Content:

• Opening
• Being sick & story telling
• Weekly check in
• Movie on!
  •  The Longest Yard
  • Victory
• Germans roles in movies
• Intermission
• How to give potentially bad news
  • Bad ways to deliver bad news
    • Random ggod news among the bad
  • How to respond to bad news
  • How NOT to respond to bad news
• Wrap up
  • What's ruining our lives 
  • What we learned today

Transcript

Cold Opens And Cold Season

SPEAKER_00 0:05

In a world where everything is unscripted, there's just roasty, toasty, roasty.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

I uh I don't want to be here very long.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Okay, no, we we don't have to As usual.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Feels like I say that every week. Because um I have an excuse and it's usually someone doesn't feel well or I have something to do tomorrow, which I have to wake up.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I need to get up early.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Do you want us to start now?

SPEAKER_02 0:41

We have to open up before we can open up. Wait, I'm also a part of this.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

I know. I can't see you. That's why I'm waiting for you.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Alright, and go.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Hello and welcome to Roasty Toasty Ghosty. My name is Matias.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

My name is Lauren.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

And we're gonna be your besties for an hour or so. That's likely. Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

I'm gonna tell you something.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

That you are exactly where you're supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

That's right. Um, especially if you weren't planning on learning anything at all. Because that's what you'll get in this episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Yeah, probably. Or? Probably. Or, yeah. Who knows?

SPEAKER_02 1:21

Maybe you can relate to this episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

And maybe get something out of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

I think I could relate to this episode.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

You might be able to. That's after the fact. Um, previous uh previous you. Past you could have used the information that we will provide for you today.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Future you might benefit as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Probably.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Okay, so uh how are you?

SPEAKER_02 1:50

I'm not good.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

You're not good.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

I'm not I'm I'm I'm sick. I have a cold this time. It's my turn.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Yeah. It's kind of this cold is going down the line.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Yeah. You took a while.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

I did. I usually take my time with these things.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yeah, because catching colds. My cold was like two tooth two tooth. Two or three weeks ago, I was gonna say about tooth ago.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Tooth, right.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

And then I had a cold in my tooth.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

I don't think that's good.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

No, tooth colds are not fun.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

That sounds life-threatening. Maybe you should see a doctor.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Yeah. Or a dentist.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Or a dentist. Or someone who started out as a dentist and then changed their mind and decided to be a doctor. Yeah. Instead.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Doctorist.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

I'm gonna talk like Sick Child today. Because I'm gonna be talking and then in the middle of my sentence, I'm gonna go. And then I'm gonna keep talking because I can't breathe.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Sick.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

Okay. Yes, so you were sick a couple weeks ago and then Sick Child got sick. But you guys kind of were sick at the same time.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

And he's been like kind of I feel like I'm whisper talking to. Um, he's been kind of like right on that edge of like kind of sick and just fine. And then after a while, like throughout this week, it got to my life partner and then me.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

And here I am.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

So your life partner got it before.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Like just before. Like he was saying that he was having symptoms. He wasn't feeling well, but he doesn't feel well any day ever. He's he's suffering from this handicapped situation he's in. And I don't know what I just said, but I'm sick. Yeah. Is pretty much what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Yeah, that's the point.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

That was the point of my story. And wherever I ended up, I meant to get to the point of I'm sick.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yeah, we should make a movie about this.

unknown 3:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

It's a compelling story.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

It really is. I feel like most of my stories are really interesting because I forget what I was saying in the middle of my story, and so I just skip to the end.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

Yeah, you should do we should make a movie, and you should do the narration like that. Yeah. Uh, you know, with a that sounds good.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

That's a good idea. Okay. So excuse me if I'm whispering today. I don't really want to scream and I can't really breathe and my nose is stuffed. And I'm having all sorts of difficulties. So I guess I'm gonna be reading later as well.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Anyway, cool. You're welcome. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

I want to tell you about my week. Okay. Is that okay if I do that?

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm fine, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Yeah, I don't care. I notice notice how I didn't ask you. Because I know that you're better than me.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

I am.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

You're always better than me.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Not necessarily, but in some way or another.

unknown 5:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

Well, we can both play this game.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

I guess. Life is a competition.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Right now you're better at being sick than I am.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Yeah, well, I learn from the best.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Well, I I stopped.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

Yeah, good for you.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

No.

SPEAKER_02 5:20

No, um I I took longer to get sick. I don't just get off of an airplane and be like, oh no, I've got a cold.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Exactly. You're not that weak.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

No, exactly. I have a pretty good immune system sometimes. But at the moment it feels like I'm getting sick monthly. Because last month I was sick, like right before our trip. I started getting a little bit better, but I did have a cold there. And this month is January. Yeah. Um, right at the end of January. So I did make it before the deadline. And I got a cold. Yeah. Let's see.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Next time's gonna be on my birthday.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

Yeah. And then we can't do anything. I'm gonna like really suffer next month because it's a short month. And if I'm sick now and I'm still sick in the beginning of February, and then since it's a short month, I only have like a couple of weeks before I have to get sick again.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

Oh, I can't catch a break.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

But you know, that's the life you chose.

SPEAKER_02 6:24

It's my new version of that time of the month.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Oh, yeah. Uh I didn't I I heard Timothy Month. And I'm like Timothy Month.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Who is that? That's my Timothy Month.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

That's a character name.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

It should be like a real cranky.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Oh my god. He's so dramatic. He's probably gay.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

Yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

So the month the month I'm gonna tell you about my past month. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

So it started off, it was really nice and warm, and then it was really cold. And then I got sick. Here we are.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

I'm gonna tell you about my week though, too.

SPEAKER_03 7:15

Okay.

Gymnastics Spotting And Coaching Wins

SPEAKER_02 7:15

Last weekend, I went on another course for gymnastics.

SPEAKER_03 7:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

And it was so fun.

SPEAKER_03 7:25

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

No, really. I know I sound like I'm being sarcastic, but it's just me being sick. Yeah. But oh my goodness, I had such a good time. Can you please take me seriously? I mean it. I really did. You're sarcastic. Sarcastic. You're sarcastic. In this course, we learned how to spot gymnasts as they were doing like flips and back handsprings and stuff. And it was it was really fun. I went with one of the other leaders, uh, gymnastics leaders from my group, and I am already kind of uh I've been spotting gymnasts for a while now. It's about six years since I started being a leader because Sick Child had been born, and I believe I was required to wait at least three to six months because I believe while I was pregnant with Sick Child, I was already like feeling like I wanted to get back into gymnastics, but I was very pregnant. I couldn't that wasn't an option at the moment. I've been told that you're not supposed to do gymnastics while very pregnant because it could upset the baby, I think. But I would watch my daughter do gymnastics and be like, oh, I want to do that too. So yeah, anyway, my point was that I've been doing this for a while, but I've never actually been like educated on how you're supposed to do it. I've been going off of how uh I remember my coaches spotting me. And a lot of it is just getting the courage to get really close as these people are zooming towards you and like catching them and making sure that they don't hurt themselves.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Yeah, don't run away.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Don't run away. Because sometimes that's an impulse. That's something that you want to do is just like, no, don't kick me.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Or like push them away.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Yeah, yeah. No, my habit is that I throw them. I end up taking them and I use their power and throw them like into the mats and stuff. Yeah. Which usually is okay, but it has had its backlashes.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Okay. Yeah, usually it seems like they kind of like it.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

It's kind of fun. Yeah. Not always though. Because sometimes I um I might push them too hard.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

Anyway, my point was that I've already been doing this for a while. And so I was just uh pretty much taking in information and watching my other gymnastics leader, person who I was with, was watching him learn how to do this and making sure that he was pretty much doing it right so that I can trust him. Or if I don't know, if I wasn't able to attend a practice, gymnastics practice, and not have to cancel the gymnastics classes. Anyway, that's what I did. It was lots of fun. Oh my gosh. I left there and I was like so happy.

SPEAKER_03 10:34

Good.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

I also got a massage this week, which was really nice. What?

SPEAKER_00 10:41

No, I I thought you were gonna say a mustache.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

I also got a mustache this week. It was very, very nice. I'm very proud. And then I shaved.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Yeah, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

I I saw it and I was like, very nice. Enough of that. Get rid of it. Uh no, that didn't happen. I got a massage. A massage. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

That's nice.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

But like I went in and I was just barely starting to feel the cold creep in. So it was like, I probably shouldn't be here, but I really want a massage. And then I got my massage, and it mostly felt good, but like there were points where she was pushing really hard and it like it hurt. And you're supposed to tell them, like, can you not hurt me? But I didn't. I just kind of let her and I took the pain. And then I looked at my back in the mirror afterwards, and I had these really red spots on me because she was pushing so hard.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

But it was nice.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

I mean, I feel like, isn't that when it's most effective, though?

SPEAKER_02 11:45

I th I don't know for a fact, but I'd like to think that. So that's kind of also why I kind of let her because maybe this is beneficial.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

We'll see. That's what I uh think. I don't know. I I don't we don't have facts or anything like that. We just not at the moment.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

We could get facts at some point, but not right now. Remember when we went to get massages together? Yeah. We went to the fish spa. Yep. It was really nice.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

It was really nice.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Alright. Well, there was that, and then I got sick, and now I'm miserable.

Massage, Mustaches, And Miscellany

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Oh, yeah. You got a massage.

SPEAKER_02 12:21

I got massage and then I was miserable. I'm gonna cut all of this.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

Yeah, okay. We're not gonna have an episode this week.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

Hello and welcome to Rusty Discussie. I really wanted to start this. I want to talk. It is Friday.

SPEAKER_03 12:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

It is January 30th. So that means there's one more day left of January. And then it's February.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

I figured that one out by myself. I looked I looked at a calendar.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

You're so smart.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Thank you. What I'm trying to say is that we watched movies.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

We did.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Would you like to move on?

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Let's move on.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Qual Qual Qual. Tonight we watched The Longest Yard and Victory.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Yay!

SPEAKER_02 13:13

You can start. Yeah. Because we watched that one first.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Yes. So The Longest Yard. It's a movie with Adam Sander and other people like Chris Rock and uh Burt Reynolds and uh other people.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

And uh Rob Schneider was in this movie. Yeah. I think he was lost.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Yeah. For a few minutes. Or no.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

It was like seconds.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

One minute, maybe. And um it feels like I'm missing a lot of people, but there were a lot of people, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

And a lot of those people I only recognized, but I don't know their names.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

I'm like Terry Cruz in the street.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Oh yeah, he was in this movie too.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

He's he's good.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Yeah, he's fun. Yeah. Anyhow, uh, there's a lot of people here.

SPEAKER_02 13:58

Um Steve Austin, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Yes, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Right. Did you? Oh, yeah, cool. Oh yeah, you you watched uh Wrestling.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

The credits. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. I saw his name in the credits and I was like, oh yeah, that's who Stone Cold is. Yeah. Stonehouse.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

And then uh Brian Bosworth, who's in the movie Stone Cold from uh 91.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

Right, it wasn't the same person we were talking about.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

Anyway, yeah, anyway, what is this movie about? Uh really bad summary.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Bad summary. He drives drunk and gets arrested, uh, Adam Sandler's character.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

Not stone cold.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

No, Adam Sandler's character. He's driving drunk and uh gets arrested and uh well he crashes some cop cars and s stuff. And uh then he goes to prison and in prison he um meets the warden and then they uh say like oh let's uh play some football or the uh he assembles a team uh to play against the guards. And uh yeah, that's what the movie is about. Yep. Right?

SPEAKER_02 15:12

Yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

What did you think about this movie?

SPEAKER_02 15:15

I like this movie. I like uh Adam Sandler's movies.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

I think they're funny. I uh I know there there's a lot of actors that he likes to uh use in his movies, so they are definitely going to be seen within the next few weeks.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Yeah, definitely.

Movie Night Setup

SPEAKER_02 15:34

Yeah, and I like that because a lot of them are really funny. And I I've seen the ending to this movie before. Okay. So it was nice to see the rest of the movie as well.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

Yeah. It's uh what about you? I do like this movie too. Uh it's it's not just uh about the comedy though, because it has some like dramatic scenes, you know, death and all.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

Yeah. And of course I got distracted as that was happening. So I I missed what happened, and then I felt bad.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Oh, yeah, but I told you.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

Yeah. And uh without being snarky about it. Yeah. Which is cool.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Why did they have to have that part just as I was getting distracted?

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

It was really bad timing.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Yeah, why did they that's the movie's fault. It is. Yeah. Bad movie. No.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Bad movie because of that one part that was poorly placed.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

Yeah. No, that scene uh caught me off guard the first time I saw this movie because I'm I'm like, wait, what?

SPEAKER_02 16:40

It was unexpected.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

Yeah, it was very you don't think that would happen in a you know, Adam Sandler movie. Yeah. But it did. But I still like the movie. It's um yeah, it's also it's a remake of a movie from s uh 1974, and uh that movie stars uh Burke Reynolds.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

Oh, okay. So that makes sense why he was there.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

Fun fact.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

We're not gonna watch that one.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

I don't know. I haven't planned on uh having any Burke Reynolds movies, but other than Cannonball Run. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

Cannonball Run too.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

That too. Yeah. But yeah, actually we should. But uh I uh yeah, it's not I haven't made a list yet.

SPEAKER_02 17:27

No. Okay.

The Longest Yard: Summary And Reactions

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Yeah, but I like this movie. I think that's all I had to say. Okay you wanna talk about victory?

SPEAKER_02 17:36

I do.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

This is a movie with Stallone.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

Uh he's there, and he is in England, Germany, yeah, Paris, Switzerland.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

It's all over the place.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Maybe Poland.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Yeah, m uh I mean the the prison camp or what what what you call it? Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

It's not Auschwitz.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

No, but it's uh German though, so maybe they're in Germany.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Maybe. Anyway, Stallone goes to jail and um they are planning a soccer game. Or football. They they call it football, but for the the sake of the fact that we talked about football for the first movie. Yeah, that was American football specific, and this was soccer, European football. Or right. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

You could say.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Yeah. And Stallone really wants to be a part of it. It's really sad because no one wants him on the team. And then he begs and pleads until they give in and he gets to be goalie.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

And the whole time he's trying to escape the prison.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

It's not just a regular prison, it's more like a Nazi work.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Yeah, because it's like World War II or something. Yeah. Time. So there's Nazis. Yeah. They were there, and they were the ones that Stallone and his soccer team were gonna go against some German people. And that's it.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

He also wants the rest of the team to escape. And that's that's my summary, I think.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Yeah. Good.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

What did you think about this movie?

SPEAKER_00 19:17

I thought it was um pretty good. I mean, this is uh not an action movie. It's kind of funny because he's known for his action movies, and now a few weeks in a row, we haven't watched any of his action movies.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

He did get in a fight in the last movie.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

A couple of them.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

And this one he was fighting with a ball.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Which is like kind of action.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Yeah, and he did get a nosebleed. I missed that part. I guess someone headbutted him or what?

SPEAKER_02 19:49

I think it was for the drama of the game. Uh I think he got like caught up with the rest of the players that were on the field, and he might have gotten a nosebleed then, and then the Germans scored a point while he was caught up with the others. Oh. That might be when that happened. I don't know. Yeah, but I don't notice these details.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

No, okay. But anyway, I I still thought it was pretty good. I mean, the the storylines of the movies are kind of similar, and you know me, the that was I thought about that. That they were similar.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

That's what I think you put them together.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Sneaky sneaky.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

Very sneaky.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Yeah, but very clever. Yeah. The thing is, I have not seen this movie before.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Oh, okay. I haven't either.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

No, but I I read what it was about and I'm like, hmm. Sounds familiar. So let's put these movies together and have a sports night.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

Yay. It's not Super Bowl yet.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

No, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

But we got it over with.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

I guess.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Uh so what did you think about this movie?

SPEAKER_02 21:03

I enjoyed the movie. I did not enjoy the German bad guys.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:09

I feel like Germans are often the bad guys in movies. Is that purely based off of World War II?

SPEAKER_00 21:16

I don't know, because they were the bad guys in the first World War also.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Okay. Because they were bad guys in Pitch Perfect 2. And a lot of the times Germans are just bad guys.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

Yeah. But yeah, uh, die hard.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

I mean, in modern days, can we have like modern movies where Germans are not that bad? No, but Because because modern Germans are nice, I think.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Have you met a lot of them?

SPEAKER_02 21:45

No.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

No.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

But I feel like they want to put the past behind them and not be constantly called bad guys.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Yeah, but you know, I watch this reality show right now.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

Right. And that one German Is really trying to bring it back, I think.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

But that's one out of the millions of Germans out there. And I don't think all of them are like that. I can't I do not want to believe that all of them are annoying.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

No. No, I I don't think so either. But you know, if a movie is set uh at World War II.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Why can't the Germans be the good guys? I want one World War II movie where the Germans are the good guys.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Are you a Hitler supporter?

SPEAKER_02 22:35

No, no, no. I'm not supporting Hitler. Excuse me. No. But I want one movie where like the Germans are trying to be good. And like, I mean, there's gotta be there must have been some Germans that were like, this is not cool, and we're gonna do something about it. I want that movie.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Go against Hitler. Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

I want the good guy German of the 1940s.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:05

I want their story. So if you find one of those movies, I want to see it.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

I'm I'm thinking of the movie The Good German.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

That's very specific. That's exactly what I'm looking for. The Good German.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

Yeah, maybe you should look that up.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

I'm gonna watch The Good German and feel better about the poor Germans.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Not the bad ones, the good ones. Yeah. Because I know that they were bad at one point, but I don't think they're bad anymore.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Okay, yeah. But then again, you can say that about the b British.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

The British have always been bad.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Never liked them. They're always bad guys in in movies.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

Well, they've always been bad guys throughout life. Like all the years. They've never been good people. Maybe. Maybe I I shouldn't have this out in the world.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

I don't think so. Because uh I mean uh it's very generalizing. Yeah, yes. It is. So I I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

The Spice Girls were cool though. And the Beatles.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:11

I like their movies. They're good British people.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Yeah. But I mean they do play a lot of more than Germans, the British are bad guys in movies.

Victory: War, Football, And Tropes

SPEAKER_02 24:22

But if you think about it, really, historically, they're the real bad guys. I don't think uh I mean uh How many countries have they taken over and people they've killed for this?

SPEAKER_00 24:33

I mean they're not the only ones though.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

No. No. When you think they're so bad that a whole colony of theirs just like slammed the door and moved out and started their own bad country.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

They were like, we also want to be British over here. Yeah. Except we're not being gonna be called British people. We're gonna be Americans.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Yeah, they're like, we don't wanna start with a B. We're better than that. We're Americans. A Americans.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

We're the new bad guys. Hello world. Yeah. Meet your new bad guys.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

Yeah. We're much better than the British.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

Yeah. We're better at being bad.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Yeah. Okay. Very political.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

That was my rant on the world. I just want a good German movie.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

You should try the good German.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

I'm gonna do that. Maybe. We'll see. Is it on Netflix?

SPEAKER_00 25:28

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

Alright. Are we good here?

SPEAKER_00 25:30

I think so.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Before we go any further into this topic.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

We should go further into the break or something.

SPEAKER_02 25:37

Alright, we're gonna go really far into the break. Yeah. And we'll be right back. Yeah. Bye. See you zoom. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

And we're back.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

Hello.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

Hello.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

Uh, alright. It's the second half.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Yes. Uh you know what we're doing today.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

I do know what we're doing.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

What is that?

SPEAKER_00 26:07

That is, uh, I I'm gonna teach. Uh no, we're gonna deep dive on uh how to uh give potentially bad news to a person or people, or yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

Okay. Yeah. What were you saying?

SPEAKER_02 26:24

Nothing.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

Um, alright. I am really interested in learning how to do this. Okay. So uh go ahead and start.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Yeah, I'm gonna do the reading this time.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Exciting.

SPEAKER_02 26:38

Very exciting.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Yeah. So giving potentially bad news is less about what you say and more about how you say it. The goal is uh honesty without unnecessary harm. Simple human framework that works in most situations. Work, personal, medical-ish.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

Medical-ish.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Yeah, that's what it says.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

Awkward life stuff.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

Oh, okay. So if I was going to tell you, oh, I'm sick.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

That's medical-ish, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:12

I yeah, I guess so.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

This is potentially bad news.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

Yeah, I mean, uh this is something I'm really bad at, you know, giving uh bad news to people.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

So that's why I wanted to bring it up. I have a question. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 27:25

If someone says, I have good news and I have bad news, which one do you go for for it?

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Uh I probably I want to save the good for last, so I I I'd rather take the bad news first.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Okay, but what if the bad news is much heavier than the good news? Like it's really bad, bad news, and then the good news is like it doesn't make it much better.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Yeah, like the good news is like I found a penny. Okay. The other one is like devastating.

SPEAKER_02 27:57

Yeah, I found a penny. Wow. No, in the last alone movie we watched last week, he was like, Well, the good news is that I found you food, but the bad news is that it's a pile of horse poop.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Oh yeah. Enjoy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

I caught that part.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Yeah. You remember that.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

Cool. That one stuck to me.

unknown 28:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

It was traumatizing.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

Trigger warning.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. Um, yeah. So I mean, this uh I'm like I said, I'm really bad at this, uh giving bad news. All right. So that's why I I'm not a doctor. That's the only reason I'm not a doctor.

SPEAKER_02 28:40

Okay. That's the only reason you decide that I'm not gonna be a doctor. Yeah, that's I don't want to tell you that you're dying.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

So if you consider that to be bad news, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

I have some bad uh I have some good news for you.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Good news and bad news. It depends on how you take it. You are dying.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

Yeah. I don't know your point of view on life. How do you feel about dying?

SPEAKER_02 29:07

I just I feel like I should know this first.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

Would you like it or not like it?

SPEAKER_02 29:13

Give me your point of view here.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

Okay, so my potential bad news is that I am sick. Yeah. And as we go, I'm going to learn how to tell you nicely that I'm sick.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 29:28

Maybe you don't want to be around me right now. Okay, point one.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

A clear, kind structure. Point one. Prepare the ground.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Ugh, alright, the soil beneath me. Yep. In case someone peees.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Yeah. Signal that something serious is coming so it doesn't uh land like a punch.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

Just the heads up.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

Here's some examples.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

Coughing is not one of them, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

No, not really.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

Uh I want to talk about something important.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

This is very important. You really need to know.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

Or this might be hard to hear, but I want it to be up front.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

I want to be in the front. Shotgun.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

So I can cough on you.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

This is gonna be really hard to hear. Because I'm whispering before. I can't talk. I lost my voice. This is gonna be really difficult for you to hear. But I want to be up front. I want shotgun.

SPEAKER_03 30:35

No. Also I'm sick. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Um so yeah, this uh gives the other person uh a moment to brace.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

Get braces.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:53

To to brace themselves, okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Yeah, the it doesn't say that, but uh you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

I guess to prepare themselves for the bad news.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Number two. Lead with care, not the verdict.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Uh-huh. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

Start uh start by show and showing respect or empathy before the news.

SPEAKER_02 31:17

I really care about you. We're gonna watch the news.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Well yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Okay, and here's some examples. Alright. I really value you, which is why I want to be honest.

SPEAKER_03 31:31

I thought that's what you wanted to say.

SPEAKER_02 31:41

Wait, hold on. I thought you were gonna say I want to be on top. I really value you, and that's why I want to be on top. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

Or you could say, I know this matters to you, but I want to be on top.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

It's really important for you.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Yeah. Uh so this tells them I'm not being careless with your feelings.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

But no, no, I I really care about you. Yeah, but but things need to change.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Yeah. Uh I mean, in a way, I'm sorry.

How To Deliver Bad News: The Framework

SPEAKER_02 32:20

Isn't that like kind of a way of disregarding their feelings as well? Like, I know this is important to you, but I don't really care because we're going with this other thing that I want to do. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 32:32

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

Okay. That's why the word but is not you're not supposed to use the word buttons.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

No, no, it they didn't use uh the butt.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

Oh, okay. They didn't use their butt.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

No.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

I really value you, which is why I want to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Oh, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

So uh the butt was my okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

It was your butt? Yeah, it was your butt.

SPEAKER_00 32:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:54

Okay. That's how I that's why I want to be on top.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

Yeah. That's the way I I think, you know. With your butt. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

I can know.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

Be dire uh number three. Be direct direct and clear. Avoid softening so much uh that the message. Sorry. I'm sorry to okay. No, we have to shut up.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

Try not being soft.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Avoid being so hard. No.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

Wait, am I supposed to be soft or hard? I don't get it.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

No, avoid softening so much that the message gets confusing. Vagueness hurts more than clarity.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

That's true. And that leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

So, um things aren't ideal right now. That's a no-no.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

Uh we won't be able to move forward with this. That's how you're supposed to go.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, just be straight to the point. Really. Why dance around it for so long? I mean, sure, you can soften it a bit, right? And then like just come straight out. Yeah. With whatever you're trying to say.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

So short plain language, no overexplaining yet.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

Yet? I have to overexplain later?

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

I guess so.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

Number four, pause and let it land. Uh people need a beat.

SPEAKER_02 34:24

A beating? You're supposed to beat them up?

SPEAKER_00 34:26

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

Alright, you give them the bad news, and then you just have to beat them up, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

Yeah. I like uh the example. I want to stop there for a second. Silence.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

How long is the silence?

SPEAKER_00 34:41

It doesn't say.

SPEAKER_02 34:42

Okay. So uh like a minute and j or just like forever?

SPEAKER_00 34:47

Yeah, maybe you just leave there.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

I'm just gonna stop here for a second and then leave and unfriend them and block their phone number and move to a different country and just avoid them for the rest of their life.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Okay. Well, that's not being dramatic or anything.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

No, no, that's perfectly fine. Okay. Uh so yeah, resist the urge to fill the space. This shows respect.

SPEAKER_02 35:13

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 35:14

Number five. This is a difficult word.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

Acknowledge the impact.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

I've been hit.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Yeah, good. Alright.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

Is that how you're supposed to respond?

SPEAKER_00 35:27

No. Name what they've been shot. Yeah. That's what they do in movies.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

I guess so.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Name what they might be feeling.

SPEAKER_02 35:35

So you have to guess. Yeah. You are okay with this. Yeah. I think.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

You could do the Jedi.

SPEAKER_02 35:43

Oh, the mind trick.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Yeah, mind trick.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

You will go home and rethink your life. Yeah. Um You are leaving now. Please go. I don't want to uh deal with your response to my news.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

So here's some examples. Some examples.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

What?

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Here's some examples.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

I know this is disappointing.

SPEAKER_02 36:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

Oh yeah. And uh here comes the examples.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

These examples are so far disappointing. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

Uh I imagine this uh isn't what you were hoping for, is also a way you can say that that's what they say.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

That's what they said? That's not what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

No, no.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

I was hoping for better.

SPEAKER_00 36:30

Yeah, I'm just a messenger.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

Don't shoot me. It feels because then I have to say, I've been shot.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

But I've already been shot.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

You can't get shot right after me.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

Well, it's okay. It was friendly fire.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

Oh, okay. I guess that that's the excuse here.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

Yeah. Number six.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Explain briefly.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

In two sentences.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:54

150 characters at least.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

But only after they heard the news.

SPEAKER_02 37:00

Okay, so I can't start with that.

SPEAKER_00 37:02

No.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

Let me start with the background of the story.

SPEAKER_00 37:04

I'm gonna explain. But excuse me, can I talk for you uh a little bit?

SPEAKER_02 37:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

Talk to you.

SPEAKER_02 37:12

Talk for you.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

Excuse me. Talk for you. Yeah, I mean that was.

SPEAKER_02 37:17

Let me let me respond for you so you don't have to do this. I mean This is fine. I'm okay with this. Yeah. Alright, I've been shot.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

I was gonna name what they might be feeling, so Okay, yeah. Uh no. Um the examples.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Okay. The explanation.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

Yeah. The reason is dot dot.

SPEAKER_02 37:39

That's and then you just stop talking and leave.

SPEAKER_00 37:43

That's the reason.

SPEAKER_02 37:45

Block their number and move to a different country, I guess. So you never actually have to tell them the reason. You just don't really have a reason. That's just how it is.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

Yeah. I'm sick. And the reason is the reason is, and then just leave.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

So keep it factual, not defensive or emotional.

SPEAKER_02 38:08

What if it's not my fault?

SPEAKER_00 38:10

Then you blame someone else, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 38:13

Alright, this is actually your fault. If you hadn't done this to me, then I wouldn't have responded the way that I did.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Uh-huh. And so then I wouldn't have been shot.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

Yeah. So next time, just like don't get shot. What? And then I wouldn't have to shoot you.

SPEAKER_00 38:34

Because everything every time someone gets shot, you shoot them an extra time.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

Oh, what what was it in was it Zombie Land or something? They did the double double tap. Double tap. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

I'm just making sure that you're dead. You're like, oh, you only get got shot once? Double tap.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

Yeah. Just making sure.

SPEAKER_00 38:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

Covering my bases.

SPEAKER_00 39:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

And then I have to explain to you why I shot you.

unknown 39:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

Anyway. Anyway, so number seven. That's the last one of these.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

Um, offer what is possible. End with direction and not dead end.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

You can exit that way. That's the door. You can leave now.

SPEAKER_00 39:23

Good. Thank you. You got this.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

I got this, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

Yeah. So here's what you can do next. It's an example.

SPEAKER_02 39:31

Here's what you can do next. I'm gonna let you know. You go to that door right over there. You go through it, you shut the door behind you, and then you're gonna hear a little click, and then you go home. And that's it. Because I don't want to continue this conversation.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

But this is my home.

SPEAKER_02 39:46

No. No, it's mine now. And that's the bad news that I'm giving you right now. Haven't you been listening this whole time?

SPEAKER_00 39:53

Not only did you shoot me.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

You take my home? Yeah. This is a burglary. Yeah. I think. Yeah. That's why I showed up.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Imagine a robber going into a bank.

SPEAKER_00 40:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:11

Being like, I have some potentially bad news. I am going to steal your money. Dot dot dot. Waiting for the response. Right? And then uh, what am I supposed to say after that? After giving them a minute to think about it.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

You want to start by saying you want to talk about something important.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

I need excuse me, everyone, I have an announcement. It's very important.

SPEAKER_00 40:35

And then then you have to say that uh you really value them.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

Guys, I really I care about all of you. Really, I really do.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Yes. And uh then you have to say that we won't be able to move forward.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

I can't keep going on like this, guys. I'm broke.

SPEAKER_00 40:56

Uh and then you want to stop there for a second.

SPEAKER_02 40:59

Uh let them think like what's going on. Yeah. Because I haven't actually told them what I'm doing here. I'm just making an announcement that I have an announcement to make. Yeah. And I can't do this anymore.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

And then after that silence, I don't know how long you I'm just gonna get them a few seconds to think, like, what?

SPEAKER_02 41:18

Yeah. What's going on?

SPEAKER_00 41:20

Or maybe a minute.

SPEAKER_02 41:22

A whole minute. Yeah. I have my timer set.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

Yeah, you're like looking at the watch.

SPEAKER_02 41:27

Everyone's like awkward silence. What?

SPEAKER_00 41:31

And then after the silence, after the silence, I just break it to them. You say, I know this is disappointing.

SPEAKER_02 41:38

This is really disappointing to everyone, even myself. I don't like it either.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Yeah, they still don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

I don't want to do this. I have no choice. I have to rob this bank. I'm going to steal money.

SPEAKER_00 41:53

Yeah. And then after the the bad news, you say the reason is The reason is because I don't have any money. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

And I need money. I'm going to explain my life story. I was born in poverty, and I grew up and I'm still poor and I'm sick of this life. So I'm going to do something about it, and I'm going to put my kids through college, and I have to rob the bank. And that's why I'm here.

SPEAKER_00 42:23

Yeah. And then you say, here's what we can do next.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

This is what we're going to do next. You're going to uh be quiet and open the drawers and give me the cash. And then we can close the drawers and I'm going to walk away. Yeah. And this is it's all gonna be fine if you cooperate. Alright.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Good.

SPEAKER_02 42:44

Then you went through all the steps and uh And then after that I told them what we're gonna do next. Right. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for your cooperation. Have a nice day. Yeah. I'm gonna go now.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

So yeah, that was that.

SPEAKER_02 42:59

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

Tone tips that matter a lot.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

Screaming?

SPEAKER_00 43:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

Uh don't sandwich bad news between fake positivity. Like, but everything's great.

SPEAKER_02 43:14

It's okay, but it's also kind of like not okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

That's one of the butts. But everything's great.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

Don't talk about your butt. Unless your potential bad news is actually about your butt.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

Yeah, that's in that case, it has nothing really to do with them unless you have like, I don't know, cancer or something.

SPEAKER_03 43:33

A big butt.

SPEAKER_02 43:34

A big butt. I have some bad news for you. I'm just gonna break it to you. My butt is like really big, and there's nothing I can do about it. No. This is disturbing everyone's lives.

SPEAKER_00 43:48

Yeah. And uh don't over apologize.

SPEAKER_02 43:52

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_00 43:54

Uh it shifts focus to your discomfort.

SPEAKER_02 43:58

But I am uncomfortable. Everyone. Uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Oh yeah. At the bank.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

At the bank. I know we're all uncomfortable here. I'm really sorry. I don't mean to. And the awkward silence, I'm really sorry about that. I didn't know what to say.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Actually, I have to pee.

Tone Mistakes And Worst Delivery Methods

SPEAKER_02 44:13

I really have to pee. Is there a bathroom? Otherwise, I'm going to pee right here. And honestly, I'm not afraid to do it because I I will definitely do it. I'm not going to pee my pants. I'm going to pull my pants down and pee right here. Because that's uh I can I do that. If you're not willing to let me use the bathroom, that's what's gonna happen. Yeah. I won't be sorry anymore. That's all. That's my rant. Thank you. Thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_00 44:42

Also, don't rush.

SPEAKER_02 44:44

But I have to pee.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

Speed feels dismissive.

SPEAKER_02 44:49

Yeah. Well, do I actually care about how they feel? I have to pee.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

Yeah. And I mean, you're not there for their feelings.

SPEAKER_02 44:57

No, I'm there for me.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

Yeah, you want money.

SPEAKER_02 45:00

Yeah. And I also have to pee.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:02

So I have to rush.

SPEAKER_00 45:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:04

We have to get through this so I can use the bathroom. Imagine being that one robber who suddenly has to pee while they're robbing a bank.

SPEAKER_00 45:14

At some point, being so nervous, it's like.

SPEAKER_02 45:17

Yeah. Nervous. And if you have a bladder like mine that's just like immediately responsive, yeah, it sucks.

SPEAKER_00 45:25

That could be a scene for our movie.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

Yeah. Robbing a bank, but suddenly I have to pee. So okay.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

And uh then don't blame unless responsibility truly matters.

SPEAKER_02 45:39

It is their fault.

SPEAKER_00 45:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:41

I think. Usually it's not my fault.

SPEAKER_00 45:43

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 45:44

It's society's fault that I'm living in poverty.

SPEAKER_00 45:47

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

It's my mom's fault, I think.

SPEAKER_00 45:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

Yeah, I'm gonna blame my mom.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:53

If she had gotten a better job, then I wouldn't be here right now robbing banks.

SPEAKER_00 45:58

True. Okay. That's the that's always a a good go-to.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

Yeah, it's mom's fault. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:06

Um, so now let's uh shift to the absolute worst ways to tell bad news.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:21

Okay, I'm I'm just gonna jump right into it. Number one, dropping it casually or as an afterthought.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

Oh hey, by the way, I'm robbing your bank.

SPEAKER_00 46:31

Oh, yeah. Uh example. Oh, by the way, this probably doesn't matter, but I'm robbing the bank.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

I stole$20 off of you.

SPEAKER_00 46:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

This tells the person your feelings didn't even rate preparation.

SPEAKER_02 46:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:49

Number two.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

Ambushing them in public or when they're vulnerable. Did I say that right?

SPEAKER_02 46:55

Vulnerable? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

Yeah, good. Like in a meeting, at a party, right before bed.

SPEAKER_02 47:02

Oh, that's the worst time. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. But which is the worst way, apparently, to give bad news. But I do not like big conversations as I'm trying to go to bed. My bedtime is very important to me. I want to sleep. I don't want to have conversations while I'm trying to sleep. And also the risk is very high. And this is on you if you bring up anything right as I'm going to bed. I could fall asleep on you as you're giving me your bad news. And then you're gonna have to try again tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 47:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:35

Because I'm sleeping. Yeah. That's my sleeping time.

SPEAKER_00 47:38

So you prefer to get bad news in the mornings.

SPEAKER_02 47:41

Don't ruin my day. Maybe like well, it really depends. Like if it's bad news, but I can like get through it. Or maybe, maybe, yeah. I don't know if it's worth risking ruining my day, but it also gives me the day to like go through it. But then again, I would think, sorry, like afternoon, evening, so I can sleep on it.

SPEAKER_00 48:05

I was gonna ask, what time at uh well let's see.

SPEAKER_02 48:10

I have dinner around four or five, and then right after that, I usually have activities. Like they start around, I don't know, six-ish, maybe. So if you were to give me bad news, maybe like three.

SPEAKER_03 48:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 48:28

I'm gonna say three to give me a good chunk of my day to think about it and send you like questions, like potential questions I might have about whatever the situation is, and then I can sleep on it and then uh give you a better response tomorrow. I think I need to let things sink.

SPEAKER_03 48:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 48:49

Sink in, not just sink like down the drain and forget about it. But you know. Yeah, yeah. What about you? When would you is there a specific time when you would prefer to get bad news?

SPEAKER_00 49:02

Right before bed. You think so? No, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

Um So if I like texted you right before I say goodnight, like, oh, by the way, here's some bad news, and you're like, whatever, goodnight. And then read it again in the morning and be like, What?

SPEAKER_00 49:19

Yeah. I don't know when I I I don't think I want it directly in the morning either, because uh I need to wake up first.

SPEAKER_02 49:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 49:29

So I guess like noon.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

I mean it's bright outside and everything, it feels good. And then uh then I get the bad news. And uh I mean I do it on a sunny day or like a bright day.

SPEAKER_02 49:46

Yeah. Okay. So based off of the weather is really what you're going after. Oh yeah. It's not like the time of day, but it's based on the weather. Because you don't really want bad news on like a day that's already cloudy and rainy and cold and gross. No, no, the because that's just like oh the day's already bad. Let's just make it worse with some bad news.

SPEAKER_00 50:06

Too depressing.

SPEAKER_02 50:07

It's not good.

SPEAKER_00 50:08

Because I mean, on a sunny day, at least you can be like, at least it's good weather.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

Right. And Swedes are like obsessed with the weather, I think.

SPEAKER_00 50:17

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:18

If you don't know what to talk about, there's always the weather. Yeah. There's always something to say about the weather.

SPEAKER_00 50:23

Yeah. And often that's where we end, too. I mean, uh it's like what weather we're having, and then that's about that.

SPEAKER_02 50:33

That's a conversation.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:35

That's a whole conversation thread.

SPEAKER_00 50:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:39

Yeah. And like that's the only thing that strangers are really willing to give their comments on. They're they're not gonna judge you, but they're gonna judge the weather.

SPEAKER_03 50:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:49

Like, oh, I hate the weather, or ooh, it's so nice how it's so warm, it's so nice, and stuff. That's like the only thing that strangers will say.

SPEAKER_00 50:57

Yeah, that that's the difficult part for me, because I usually don't care about the weather. I don't like what other people like.

SPEAKER_02 51:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 51:07

Most people don't like cold and snow. I do.

SPEAKER_02 51:10

And uh so you just have to like pretend.

SPEAKER_00 51:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:14

Just like whatever.

SPEAKER_00 51:15

It feels like most people like the summer. I don't.

SPEAKER_02 51:18

Yeah. So if someone says, Oh, this really nice, sunny, warm weather we're having, you're like, Yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 51:25

I I like the sun. I like it's sunny, but I don't like when it's too warm.

SPEAKER_02 51:30

Yeah. So you're like me in the winter, I guess. It's nice to look at out the window, but I'd rather be inside.

SPEAKER_00 51:37

Yeah. I like the w uh, you know, when it's winter uh and sunny.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

Yeah, but it's freezing outside. That's usually when it's like minus twenty Celsius.

SPEAKER_00 51:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:49

It's like it's been like that. This week it's been so cold.

SPEAKER_00 51:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:54

But I I haven't been outside that much.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

Well, I've been working, so I I can't really go out that much.

SPEAKER_02 52:01

But I I've been refusing to go outside.

SPEAKER_00 52:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 52:04

But it's been cold, trust me.

SPEAKER_00 52:06

Yeah. Uh oh yeah. Maybe we should. We're gonna read somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 52:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 52:11

Yeah. So uh don't ambush them in a meeting, at a party, right before bed, while they're stress sick, or grieving. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 52:22

Okay, yeah. Alright.

SPEAKER_00 52:24

So I shouldn't tell you bad news right now.

SPEAKER_02 52:27

Because I'm already feeling like garbage.

SPEAKER_00 52:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:30

And when someone's already grieving, like I know that you're already dealing with something. I have something to add on top of that.

SPEAKER_00 52:37

Yeah. Well, what what if Okay, let's say you had a a death fairly close, and then someone else dies. Should you not tell them about that?

SPEAKER_02 52:48

What do you do?

SPEAKER_00 52:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:50

I mean, they're gonna find out eventually.

SPEAKER_00 52:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:52

But are you the right person to tell them?

SPEAKER_00 52:56

This is why I'm not a doctor.

SPEAKER_02 52:58

Yeah, like this isn't my business. I'm not gonna tell you. I'm gonna have to do that. You should talk to a doctor. You should talk to another doctor about this. Oh. It was kind of like um, not really like bad news upon bad news, but more like the wrong person telling you that someone died. Cause when my mom died, I like just found out, and then an hour or two later, um, one of uh my old classmates had messaged me and was like, I'm so sorry about your mom. I was like, I just found out myself. Like, why are you telling me this? Like, really? What? I just figured this out. Like, back off for a day at least. Like, uh it was like, how did you know? I just barely got you out.

SPEAKER_00 53:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:54

Ugh. Some people need to mind their own business.

SPEAKER_00 53:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:57

Anyway, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 53:59

Number three.

SPEAKER_02 54:01

I feel like we're a little bit all over the place.

SPEAKER_00 54:04

Yeah. Burying the lead.

SPEAKER_02 54:06

Burying yourself alive.

SPEAKER_00 54:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:08

Burying the lead. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 54:11

Uh talking for five minutes and then revealing the actual problem. So anyway, we didn't get it.

SPEAKER_02 54:19

Oh yeah. Okay. So, like, there's whole the the whole backstory for like five minutes, and then well, my point is is that things didn't go well.

SPEAKER_00 54:28

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 54:29

We we didn't get whatever we were trying to get.

SPEAKER_00 54:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

I didn't get the job.

SPEAKER_00 54:33

We didn't get the bank.

SPEAKER_02 54:34

We didn't we didn't succeed in robbing the bank.

SPEAKER_00 54:37

No, we didn't get the money.

SPEAKER_02 54:39

No, I peed myself as well. Worst case scenario when robbing a bank is leaving with nothing and peeing yourself.

SPEAKER_00 54:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:48

You didn't even get arrested. You just like walked out with wet pants and an empty sack.

SPEAKER_00 54:54

Yeah. And shame.

SPEAKER_02 54:56

And shame.

SPEAKER_00 54:57

Walk out shame.

SPEAKER_02 54:59

My bag isn't filled with money, but it's definitely filled with shame. Yep. If shame could be tangible. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 55:07

Number four. Being vague to protect them. Um. Example. Things just aren't aligning right now. What do you mean? Um this forces them to guess what went wrong, blame themselves, r replay the conversation forever.

SPEAKER_02 55:29

Oh, I feel like we struggle with this specifically.

SPEAKER_00 55:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:34

Um, if I can bring up uh that explains a lot. I feel like that was vague and uh the response was poor.

SPEAKER_00 55:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:45

A very old line now. Oh yeah. It still gets brought up.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

But what do you mean?

SPEAKER_02 55:51

I I don't know. Uh yeah. Yeah. I believe when we specifically have bad news to give to each other, we definitely just need to go straight to the point instead of dancing around it and trying to find like pillow words, you know, to cushion it. Just just say it.

SPEAKER_00 56:14

Say it.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

Just say it. Yeah. And I think that's the moral of the story today is just say what you want to say. Yeah. And leave the pillow talk for later. Um if that's weird. If that's where you end up, then do that. In the couch, I guess. In the couch, if that's where you end up as well.

SPEAKER_00 56:35

Yeah, movie night.

SPEAKER_02 56:36

Yeah. Save the the cushion talk for movie night.

SPEAKER_00 56:41

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Number five, overexplaining to relieve your discomfort.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

When really that kind of makes things worse sometimes. Yeah, sure. It might make you feel better, but for them it's just like extending the discomfort.

SPEAKER_00 56:56

Yeah. So yeah, the the example is let me explain every thought I had over the last six months.

SPEAKER_02 57:06

That's a lot. And it's gonna take me about six months to get through it all.

SPEAKER_00 57:10

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:11

Because I have a lot of thoughts since then.

SPEAKER_00 57:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:13

I mean And I've spent a lot of time writing down every single little thought that I've had.

SPEAKER_00 57:18

I'm also publishing a book called My Thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 57:21

From the last six months.

SPEAKER_00 57:24

It's gonna be thicker than the Bible.

How To Respond Well To Bad News

SPEAKER_02 57:27

Yeah. And the pages are gonna be thinner. The ink is bleeding through. You can't read it really.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

They're like see-through pages.

SPEAKER_02 57:39

My pages are plastic.

SPEAKER_00 57:42

Uh number six. Making it about you.

SPEAKER_02 57:46

Well, that's all that's important, is my feelings and things about me.

SPEAKER_00 57:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:51

I mean otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you if I wasn't gonna talk about me.

SPEAKER_00 57:56

No, yeah, I guess. No, uh, I mean, uh, I'm reading the examples. Okay. This is so hard for me to say.

SPEAKER_02 58:06

Well, it is.

SPEAKER_00 58:07

Yeah. I've been losing sleep over this.

SPEAKER_02 58:10

Feel bad for me.

SPEAKER_00 58:11

Yeah. I don't know. Do you think I I don't think this is that bad, but I don't know what you think.

SPEAKER_02 58:18

Maybe that's something to wait with to say. Don't like lead with this is really difficult for me. More like, it's probably gonna be difficult for you. And then later on be like, This is awesome. I had a really hard time saying this because it hurt me too.

SPEAKER_00 58:35

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

I think that's a sentence that can wait for when things have settled a bit.

SPEAKER_00 58:41

I guess. Number seven.

unknown 58:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 58:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 58:45

No, it's that word again. Softening it until it's misleading.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

I thought it was bigger.

SPEAKER_00 58:54

Whoops. Wrong place.

SPEAKER_02 59:00

I don't think this is the appropriate time for this.

SPEAKER_00 59:04

False hope is cruel. Yeah. Uh example. Not right now, maybe someday.

SPEAKER_02 59:18

Where is open eyes going with this situation?

SPEAKER_00 59:22

Yeah. Oh, and that's when you It's not a competition. That uh that's when you know that someday means never.

SPEAKER_02 59:31

Aww.

SPEAKER_00 59:32

So never.

SPEAKER_02 59:35

So me.

SPEAKER_00 59:37

Oh uh number eight. That's worse. Yeah. Okay. No, uh delivering it via via via I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 59:47

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 59:48

Uh the wrong medium.

SPEAKER_02 59:49

A different medium, please.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

Yeah, like break up by text.

SPEAKER_02 59:54

Oh yeah, you're not supposed to do that.

SPEAKER_00 59:56

No.

SPEAKER_02 59:56

But I have done it and it's been done to me. I've also broken up with someone through someone else, through a messenger person.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:06

Oh, okay. No, I I wouldn't uh do big problem uh like talk about bad news uh via texts, via text. I um I I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:19

I really want to wait an entire week to tell me something bad during movie night when we're supposed to be enjoying the evenings and then be forced to sit here for two hours and talk and then I'm just sad because I got bad news.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:35

Wouldn't you say it f uh it would be better to uh to do it like face to face?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:42

I guess so.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:44

I mean it it depends on the scale of the bad news. If it was like um like really, really bad and it's something deep and personal between the two of us, like we can't have movie night anymore, then I don't think I'd have a choice. I think I'd have to send you a text because then I wouldn't be allowed to see you anymore.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:03

Oh, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:04

But that would be something that would want to be told face to face.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:08

If sometimes you don't really have a choice.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:10

If I had to say it, then then it would be face to face because no one would be stopping me.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:17

Uh but yeah. I I don't know. I I want to deliver bad news face to face.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:24

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:24

And but that's also why it mm what makes it so difficult.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:30

Yeah. Sometimes it's easier to text.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:32

I know, and that's why I don't want to do it by text.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:36

You want it to be difficult.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:38

I want it feels more honest to do it face to face.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:41

I guess so.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:43

That's what I that's my Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:45

Um I also think it depends on the situation.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:48

Like small bad news, like, oh, I didn't get the job that I really, really wanted.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:53

Yeah, that that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:56

I have good news though that I can tell you face to face that I've been waiting to tell you. Okay. Uh I meant to tell you earlier in the recording, but I can tell you now because I remembered.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:08

I believe I am eligible to apply for the film program that I've been looking at in Stockholm.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:15

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:16

So uh I'm gonna apply at some point in my life, and it starts in August. We'll see if I get it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:23

That's cool.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:24

Yeah. And in the meantime, I'm going to take other classes so that I'm not just sitting around and doing nothing until then. Um, my uh uh what is it? Career counselor, whatever you want to call her.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:40

She wants me to take uh like social studies.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:45

Because I've taken social studies, but in the States. So like a Swedish version.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:49

So that could be, I don't know, maybe interesting, but I'm not really that interested. She also wants me to take math too. And over the summer, I was gonna take uh leadership and organization. Oh. And then it's gonna be August.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:07

So we'll see if I get in.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:09

How cool would that be?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:10

That would be really cool.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:11

And then when you start with the film and everything, you have to invite me to the set.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:17

Good. That's a deal.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:19

Yes. Alright. Sorry. That wasn't bad news, it was good news.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:22

That's good news.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:23

That I told you to your face. Because I've been waiting this whole time to tell you.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:27

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:27

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:28

So, yeah, delivering it via the wrong medium. Breakup by text, lay off by slack.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:36

Huh?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:36

I don't know what Layoff by Slack. Layoff by Slack.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:40

I mean, layoff would be letting someone go from their job. Yeah. So like just, oh, maybe what my job is doing to me and just cutting my hours and being like, we'll call you when we need you.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:53

I think that's what it means.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:54

Okay. Yeah. There's not like an app or something called Slack.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:59

There's a lot of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:00

Because it says Slack with a big S. So I just Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:05

Okay. Yeah, that's what we used to use uh in campus. Okay. Because I was campus Slacker. Remember that? And I never got my I n I never got my name tag.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:15

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:16

I'm still man. Not that anyone can do anything about it now.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:19

No. I can ask.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:21

I still deserve my name tag.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:23

Yeah. How funny would that be?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:25

Yeah. Hey, can you make a name tag for Lauren?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:28

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:30

Um or sensitive feedback by email.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:34

Yeah, um, we're gonna talk about this one situation that happened at work where you were uh misbehaving and someone didn't like the way that you were talking to them, even if you were joking but they really didn't like it, they are going to uh sue you, just so you know, just a heads up before you get any papers. And um we're also gonna cut your hours so that you don't have to work with this guy that much.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:04

Wow, this was really specific.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:06

It was very specific.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:07

Uh for a reason?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:10

No, no, actually, it wasn't that specific. I I just came up with it off the top of my head. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. I'm not getting cut because of a situation, it's because uh sales. Oh, yeah, is what they said. I don't recall ever doing anything bad ever.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:28

Yes. I believe you.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:29

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:32

Uh number nine. Blaming policy, timing, or vague forces. It's just how things are.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:41

That's just how we do things around here.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:43

Yeah. Or my hands are tied.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:45

Nothing I can do about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:46

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:47

Uh it's the higher ups who are making this decision.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:50

Mm-hmm. Yeah. If I had any say, it wouldn't be like this, but you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:56

That's just how it is. And that's why I have to rob your bank.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:00

Yeah. My manager.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:02

My manager, my bank robber manager told me that I had to do this.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:08

Uh the mom bus.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:09

Yeah, I need to fill my quota.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:11

Yeah. I'm up to five banks this month.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:15

Number ten.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:17

Bank number ten.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:18

Bank number ten.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:20

Rushing away immediately afterwards.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:24

I really have to go. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:25

Yeah, that's uh the example.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:28

Yeah. Good luck.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:29

Good luck. Goodbye. Um, uh, I got your girlfriend pregnant. Sorry, I have to go by. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's my example. Thank you for listening. And uh let's let's go to the next point.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:46

Sounded very specific.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:47

No. I've done this before. That was based off of a life experience. I had to tell my friend that I got their girlfriend pregnant. Also, sorry, and I'm late for work. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:01

Yeah. Number 11. Yeah. Acting surprised by their reaction.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:08

Oh my god, why would you get upset about that?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:11

I th uh I didn't think you'd take it this hard.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:15

I trusted you.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

I didn't think I I didn't think you'd take it this hard.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:20

I was expecting softer. It's not a competition. The smallest, you know. Yeah. Anyway. Or softest. I'm softer.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:31

Smallest bank.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:32

Smallest bank. The soft bank. Bank of clouds.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:36

Number 12?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:38

Pretending it's not a big deal.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:41

Well, it's not. No. I just got your girlfriend pregnant. What?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:44

You'll get over it.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:46

You couldn't do it yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:47

It's not that serious.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:48

That's mean. It's not a big deal. I I did you a favor.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:54

Just because you couldn't get her pregnant, what?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:57

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:58

You're welcome. I did you a huge favor.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:01

Why are you upset?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:03

Now you can take care of it. Yeah. Now you have something to take care of. Something to do with your life.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:10

Maybe you can quit your job as a bank robber.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:14

Full-time job. Put that on your resume. Yeah. Full-time bank robber for 15 years.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:22

Yeah. So those were the worst ways to tell someone bad news.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:28

Okay. I'm gonna keep putting trigger warnings in here because I I feel like the pregnancy thing was uh was sensitive. I'm gonna give the trigger warning after the triggers.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:39

Oh yeah, yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:40

I feel like that's appropriate.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:42

That's how it should be. Yeah. It's like with the spoiler warnings too. Yeah. We give them afterwards.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:48

Yeah. Also, spoiler alert. Sorry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:51

Spoiler alert. Yeah. Uh yeah. And uh then you asked appropriate ways to respond to bad news.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:01

Yes. If you give me bad news, I want to know how I should respond. That's not dramatic or like underplaying, you know, hiding it. I am a hider, I think. Am I wrong? If I get bad news, I I want to process it.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:20

Yeah, I feel you get very quiet.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:23

Yeah. I'm processing, and it does take me a long time to process.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:28

Um, but I feel like the only time I snap is when like it's like an immediate reaction to someone yelling at me. Yeah. That's when I would overreact. But if I'm given bad news, then I uh I might shut down a little bit just to like process what's going on and think it through and what's next.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:48

How do you take bad news?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:51

What would you say?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:52

You shut down and get mad instead, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:56

Maybe.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:56

If it's like really inconvenient for you, whatever the bad news is, yeah. Then I think you get quiet, but you get m you get upset.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:06

I don't know if And then you don't really talk it through until later.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:11

Yeah. I don't know if I get I get upset probably, yeah. Uh could be uh taken as mad, but I don't think it's mostly upsets upsetting for me. I I I'm not really mad. I yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:27

Like a disappointment. Yeah. I guess depending on whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:31

Yeah, that's true. Number one.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:34

The the ways I'm supposed to respond. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:38

Number one. When you're shocked or need time. Okay, so examples are I wasn't expecting that. Uh I need a moment to process.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:47

Okay, so you have to say that out loud. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:51

Or you can say, can I take some time and come back to this?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:56

That should be okay, right? I think so. Alright. And then what?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:00

Number two. When you're hurt or disappointed. Uh examples. That's really disappointing to hear. Or I'm feeling pretty hurt by this.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:10

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:12

You know, that ball to my face.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:15

I'm really disappointed about this.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:18

I it hurt me.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:20

It hurt. I've been shot.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:22

And it hurt me.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:24

I'm really disappointed. I was hoping it would go better.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:27

Yeah. Can I take some time and come back to this?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:31

I don't have time for this bullet wound right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:34

No. I have a I have a bag to rob.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:38

I do. I have things to do. My day is fully booked, and this was inconvenient for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:45

So let's talk about it later.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:47

We're gonna talk about this later. I'm gonna tell you about how I didn't like it. Getting shot.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:53

Yeah. Okay. Number three, this is this sounds like me. Uh, when you don't understand.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:00

Okay. I won't get it. Yeah. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:04

Can you help me to understand the reason?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:06

Why you shot me?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:08

Yeah. What led you to this decision?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:12

Let's talk this out.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:13

Yeah. Or but did you decide something? I would be more shocked about that. True. You made a decision. And this was it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:25

You couldn't come up with anything else.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:27

Oh my god. You're the worst at this. Uh yeah. I don't know. Number four.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:36

When you're when you disagree but want to stay respectful. I see it differently, but I hear your position.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:45

Or I don't agree, though I appreciate the honesty.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:49

That you want to shoot me.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:51

I don't agree with it, but.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:53

I don't think it's a good idea, but I I kinda see your point of view.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:58

I implore you to reconsider.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:01

I'd rather you didn't.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:03

Number five. When emotions are high.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:07

Which in this situation I feel like they usually are.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:10

Yeah. With me.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:11

Usually.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:12

Yeah. I don't want to say something I'll regret I'll regret. Uh can we pause?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:18

For how long? How long do you need before we're gonna come back to this?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:24

Let's take a break.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:26

We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:30

Uh so one minute, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:33

Okay, but I've got a timer on. Yeah. In one minute, exactly. You better start talking.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:39

Another example.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:41

I need to step away and come back later.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:44

I like that one. That's also one that I like to do. But I also really enjoy the idea of skipping the comeback later and just leave.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:55

And not go back to it. Because I uh I like to avoid the conflict, I think. Despite what you might think about me, I don't like conflict and I will avoid things to the best of my ability. Wow. Do you disagree? No, no. Because I believe that my behavior with you and my life partner has been a lot of avoiding conflict or potential. Like this could go wrong. So I'm just, I'm not gonna do this, and I'm gonna be really careful about what I say. Yeah. Doesn't sound about right?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:37

Maybe. Alright. But I also think about this one. Uh I need to step away and come back later. If you want to come back later and you don't wanna you wanna shorten it, you can say, I'll be back.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:52

Someone gives you bad news, I'll be back.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:55

I'll be back. And then when you come back, you say, I'm back.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:58

Yeah. With uh shortening sunglasses on.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:02

Right. I'll be back. And then come back with your sunglasses on. I'm back.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:07

Um, okay, I have something to say about this one because this has happened to me that I've said I want some alone time. We'll come back to this later. And then the other person will chase me down and try to talk it out right then and there when I need the time to process and sort out my thoughts and feelings.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:28

Now I'm um um is that person me?

SPEAKER_02 1:15:31

No. No, no, no, because you're opposite. You zoom away as quick as possible and be like, yes, we will get back to this later. Just I also need to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Um but I believe that I've also been that other person that will chase you down and be like, no, I don't want to go to bed upset with you. I want to talk about this before I go to bed so that I don't wake up still upset with you or that you're still upset with me. Because usually our arguments are late at night, you you know, when we're recording.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:07

Yeah. Yeah, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:09

I I By the way, subscribe to Roasty Toasty Ghosty and listen to the leftovers so you can get all of this amazing content of us arguing over stupid things.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:22

Yeah, yeah, it happens, but it's not that often. But uh It's gotten better.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:27

It used to be really bad. We're okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:30

We're okay, I think. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Uh from my side, we're okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:36

At the moment, I can't think of anything. Good.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:39

Number six.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:40

If I really think about it though, I'm sure I can come up with something. But but there was that one time uh earlier today you did say something and I I didn't like it. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:56

I'll be back.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:59

I'm back.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:01

I need to find my sunglasses. Number six.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:06

When you accept the outcome, uh even if you don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:11

Oh, that's what I'm supposed to do. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:14

I'm disappointed, but I understand. I don't love this, but I appreciate you telling me directly.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:21

I don't love this.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:22

No. I love other things than this.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:25

This is not one of the things that I love.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:27

No, not even not my top ten of things that I love.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:31

No, this would not land on that list.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:33

No. Not even. Not even top ten.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:37

Not even top 100, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:39

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:39

Maybe top 500. But I have to make this list. I have to write it out so that I know exactly where it lands. I think it would land on number 374.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:53

Yeah. Out of my top favorite situations. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:58

That I love. Yeah. Yeah. This bad news happened on my top 500. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:10

Right there, that's where it ended up.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:12

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:14

Uh uh did that. Number seven, when you want next steps, what are what are yes. What what are the options from here?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:27

I like that one. That's usually uh what I ask at the end of interviews. Okay. Like, all right, what's next? What am I supposed to expect after this?

SPEAKER_00 1:18:36

So you treat interviews as bad news.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:40

I had to show up in person.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:42

You just accept uh or expect them to not want to use.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:47

Yeah, yeah. I just assume that they're not gonna hire me. So what's the next step after this?

SPEAKER_00 1:18:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:53

Are you gonna tell me if I don't get the job, or do I just have to assume after like an hour?

SPEAKER_00 1:18:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:00

Yeah, I didn't get it. Okay. How quick is your decision making?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:04

Yeah, like ten minutes later. Okay, I didn't get it.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:07

I guess I didn't get it. Um Imagine having that short of like Patience. Patience. Yeah, after ten minutes. Oh, well, didn't get the job. Oh, guess I have cancer, and no one answered me. I'm just assuming I might as well go tell my family.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:26

I I don't know how to tell you guys this, but after two minutes of pause, I don't I I think I have cancer. Yeah. And um trigger warning. Yeah. So you know. Yeah. After the fact.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:39

Um and uh That guy shouldn't be a doctor.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:43

You really shouldn't be a doctor.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:45

He can't even tell me the bad news.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:47

No. I had to assume the bad news myself. What do we do after this? Uh just assume I'm gonna die soon. I'm giving myself three months.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:57

Yeah. I'm gonna lay in my bed for three months.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:01

And you guys have to feed me. Yep. And I'm gonna pull out my hair. And oh my goodness. Sorry. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:07

Maybe we can go. No. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:12

I mean, with bad news comes bad situations. It should be the expectation we bring up bad things.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:19

Yeah. Yeah. Uh we'll see what I keep.

Weather, Timing, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_02 1:20:22

If this is offensive, I'm sorry, but it's also life, and it's not really something to joke about, but sometimes you have to joke about things.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:30

Yeah. You yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:32

I mean, what's like the worst thing that you that can happen to you? Some people would say it's death, and we j joke about that all the time.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:38

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:39

I think it's not always the worst thing that could happen to you.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:41

No. Uh I think that uh death is probably one of the funniest uh you know uh uh topics uh you can have.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:52

Sometimes. Depending on the situation.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:55

Usually what makes me laugh the most is something about death. For some reason, I I find death fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:05

Dark humor.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:06

It's what we got. Yeah. Oh well. Number eight.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:10

Oh well.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:13

Not much to do about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:14

No. Uh, we're all heading there. Uh number eight. When the the when the delivery was bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:22

Oh, childbirth.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:24

Oh yeah. Uh so this is what it's a boy. Yeah, so this is what you're supposed to say at childbirth.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:36

Afterwards, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:38

Okay. Afterwards. Uh I wish this had been communicated differently.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:45

I wish we could have done this differently.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:47

Yeah, less screaming.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:48

Uh, yeah. Uh actually I never actually I I never screamed during childbirth.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:55

Maybe the the kids.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:56

They screamed. Yeah. But I tried to keep everything inside because I didn't want to be one of those people who screamed.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:04

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:05

I tried to keep my babies inside. That's why they were all uh late.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:09

Yeah. You didn't overdue. You didn't want uh people to be bothered with the screams or right.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:16

And I don't I didn't want people to see me naked.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:19

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:20

That too. Yeah. I wasn't at like my top peak of uh attractiveness at the time, so I didn't really want to when they're super pregnant. I wasn't one of them.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:32

No, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:33

And uh not super fit. I looked like a balloon.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:37

And I just wasn't attractive.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:39

Uh.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:40

I was fat.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:41

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:42

Really fat.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:44

And then I never really stopped.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:49

And here we are.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:51

I take up the majority of this room.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:54

No, you're not.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:56

Um so here's another thing you can say at after childbirth. Okay. The timing made this the timing made this harder to hear.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:08

Mm. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:10

When the delivery was bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:12

Okay. Is it because you're deaf from the screaming? Or maybe the timing is difficult to make me hear. Okay, nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:21

Number nine. When you're too upset to be constructive. Did I say constructive?

SPEAKER_02 1:23:28

Constructive?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:28

Yeah, I did it. Yeah. I did it too.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:30

You did it.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:31

Um what was it? When you're too upset to be constructive.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:36

Uh I don't have a response right now. Response right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:42

Uh I'm not ready to talk about this. That's okay. So yeah. Let's skip this one.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:49

No, the the those words.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:51

That was the example. Because my bad news situation that I thought of before you said this was that I like speaking of the weight issue, like I gained 10 kilos. Yeah. And then you say, I don't know how to talk about this right now. Or whatever you said.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:10

Yeah, uh, I don't have a response right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:12

I don't have a response. I don't even know what to tell you.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:15

I'm not ready to talk about this.

unknown 1:24:17

No.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:18

I'm not ready to talk about your weight.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:20

No. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:22

Let's wait.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:23

Well, ha. Okay. Okay. Talk about this another time. When you're prepared to talk about my weight. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:31

Number 10?

SPEAKER_02 1:24:32

Yeah. Kilos.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:33

Yeah, number 10 kilos.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:35

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:36

When you want to protect the relationship.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:41

Over my weight.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:44

Um.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:45

I really care about you, but I gained 10 kilos.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:48

Yeah. I'm I'm upset, but I don't want to damage our relationship.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:57

Over my weight. I'm upset that you gained weight, but I don't really want to damage our relationship. So I'm not gonna say much more about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:06

Nope. But you are breaking shares.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:10

Yeah. You pop the yoga ball.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:14

You don't really have anywhere to sit anymore.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:17

No. We only have one chair right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:20

Yeah. You're gonna have to start standing.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:23

Um, you can also say, I care about staying on good terms.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:29

That's why you shouldn't make notes about my weight.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:32

Okay. Good to know.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:34

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:35

I'm gonna write that down.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:37

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:38

Yeah, those were the the ten points of that one.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:43

Alright. But what about the opposite? What are the worst ways to respond to bad news? And this is the last one.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:50

Number one. Immediate explosion.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:53

Boom.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:54

Yeah. Uh yelling, swearing, crying uncontrollably. Uncontrollably.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:00

Uncontrollably.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:01

Yeah. Uncontrollably at the person storming out.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:06

I feel like that's pretty bad. That's a bit dramatic.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:09

Have I ever done that? I don't think I've done that.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:12

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:12

Good. Uh I hope I don't do that ever.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:15

No. No, you you're m you're more shutting down. Maybe.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:21

I don't think I've ever yelled at you.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:23

No?

SPEAKER_02 1:26:24

Have I ever yelled at you?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:25

Just for comedic effect, I think.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:28

Okay. Yeah, I don't think I've like seriously yelled at you, like in an angry tone.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:34

No, maybe not. Not that I remember.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:36

Okay, good. Let's keep it that way.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:38

Two. Two. Personal attacks. You're incompetent. I'm incontinent. Yep. This says a lot about the kind of person you are.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:47

Oh, okay. That explains a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:49

Yeah. What do you mean? I don't know. Number three, oh, this is painful.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:58

Total shutdown.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:00

Oh, like not even I need to uh process.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:04

Just yeah. Silent punishment.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:07

Not good. Don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:08

Crossed arms, no response, one word answer for weeks.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:13

Oh, for weeks. Okay. Because you've done that, but not for weeks.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:17

No. You also done that.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:20

So yeah, we're bad at that.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:22

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:23

That's why it was painful, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:25

Uh yeah, because you could uh uh relate.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:29

Yeah. Number four. Knee jerk ultimatums.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:33

Uh oh, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:35

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:36

An ultimatum Yeah, I know what ultimatum, but knee jerk, I don't um I think that's just like uh like a serious ultimatum, just like on the spot kind of decision. Like you have to like make a decision, or I'm leaving you forever. I'm not even gonna think about it. I'm just gonna walk out the door and not come back.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:57

Examples? If this is happening. How it's going to be, I'm done.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:02

Or fix this or else.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:04

Right. Yeah. Or else.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:06

Yeah. Uh the thing that just threw me off was the knee jerk. I don't It was a weird word. Yeah, I I don't know what that is really. But I guess it's like uh a reflex.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:18

Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:19

Yeah, yeah, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:20

Because it's like when you do the reflex test, you like jerk your knee.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:24

Okay. I'm guessing. That makes sense. That makes sense now. Cool. Number five. Denial or rewriting reality. That's not what happened. You're remembering it wrong.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:37

That's gaslighting, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:40

I've heard that word and I feel like it's the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:42

Yeah. We should watch that movie.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:44

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:45

Gaslight.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:46

Is that anything to do with Germans?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:48

I don't know. I haven't seen it.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:51

It's an old one. But I mean, since people are talking about gaslighting and everything, maybe we should see it.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:58

See if it's accurate?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:59

Yeah, to see what people are referring to.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:03

Number six. Deflecting with blame. Deflecting?

SPEAKER_02 1:29:08

Deflecting.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:09

Deflecting with blame. Well, if you hadn't.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:13

If you hadn't done that, then I wouldn't have done this.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:17

This wouldn't have happened if they had done their job.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:20

Right. You forced me to do this.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:23

Yeah, it's your fault. It's not my fault. Number seven. Overintellectualizing.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:29

Yeah. Overintellectualizing.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:31

Over-intellectualizing uh overintellectualizing to avoid feeling. Turning it uh into a debate, spreadsheet, or philosophy lecture.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:44

I have a five-page long list of why you're wrong.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:50

Yeah. I believe it.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:51

Yeah. Yeah. Uh in alphabetical order.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:55

Okay, cool. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:02

I'm gonna send it in the mail, in a letter. Yeah. I'm gonna print it out and you can put it on your wall.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:08

So that you're reminded of all the reasons why I had to do this to you.

unknown 1:30:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:14

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:15

And also why it's your fault.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:16

Yeah. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:17

You're welcome. Just making it clear.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:19

Number eight. Playing the victim competitively. One more time. Playing the victim competitively.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:27

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:28

Yay! This is the worst thing anyone's ever done to me.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:32

That is dramatic. Oh yeah. No one has ever been so mean to me ever in my life like you are right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:41

Hmm. Yeah. It it sounds like a precedent or something.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:47

Everyone's so mean to me. No one would ever I would never do that to anyone else.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:52

You're like the worst.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:54

The worst.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:56

I always get screwed.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:58

Is that a bad thing?

The Absolute Don’ts When Responding

SPEAKER_00 1:30:59

I don't that was my question, too.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:02

Oh my god, I get screwed all the time, and it's like so annoying. Just like, stop.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:08

I need a rest.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:09

I'm exhausted. Everyone's screwing me all the time. Give me a break, man. Two minutes.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:18

Yeah. Nine. Nine. Nine? Nine. German.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:24

Nine.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:24

That means no. Right. No means no.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:28

That's that's correct.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:30

Nine. No. Fake acceptance.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:35

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:35

It's fine, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:37

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:38

And then doing forever.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:40

Making soup.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:41

Yeah. Forever.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:42

For the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:43

Yeah. Number 10.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:45

That's all I ever eat now is soup.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:48

Yep. I have no teeth.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:49

I just accepted my fate and soup.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:53

Yeah. Number 10.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:55

Immediate revenge or retaliation.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:58

Oh yeah. Oh, that's my favorite. Revenge.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:01

Sending angry emails, subtweeting, gossiping.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:04

Stealing the car.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:06

Quitting the spot.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:07

The spot. Or on the spot?

SPEAKER_00 1:32:09

On the uh yeah, quitting on the spot. Yeah. Quitting on the spot.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:14

Robbing their bank.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:15

And yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:16

Then quit.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:17

I quit my job. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:20

I quit this uh bank robbing job.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:22

Yeah. Well, I mean, if someone did something mean to you, it could be like somewhat mean. And then you go all revenge and steal all the money from their bank and make them go out of business. Or whatever happens after banks get robbed. That's revenge. Right? Yeah. Because then it's like you have no money left. Whatcha gonna do? And then they have to go off and rob banks because they have no money. And be like, this is all because that guy robbed my bank.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:53

Yeah, and you uh who robbed the bank now uh have money so you can start a bank.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:00

Right. And then deny them like whatever membership or whatever, an account.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:07

Yeah, loans, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:09

Everything. Just deny, deny. And you're the only bank in town now. So they have to like go to the next country and be like, can I please open a bank account? They'll be like, okay, what's the problem? You're like, that other guy robbed my bank and then wouldn't let me open an account at their new bank. So now I have to be over here and open an account here. And my life is so difficult, and I don't even know your language. So life is hard.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:35

Now I have to rob banks. Yeah. So I'm really sorry you made me do this.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:40

Yeah, and you don't understand a word I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:44

Like, why are you here? Like, I have to rob your bank.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:48

What are you saying? I'm going to rob your bank. Give me money. Like, I don't understand.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:54

And if you lose your job and uh get the this bank out of, I don't know, what what did you say? Bankruptcy or huh. Fun a funny word. Uh then you can go to the other place that I was before and rob that guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:11

And then it's a vicious circle.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:14

The circle of banks.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:16

Viciousness.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:18

The circle of banks. Okay. Uh number 11. Demanding instant fixes or apologies.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:28

Fix this now.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:29

Yes. Apologize.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:31

Say sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:32

So what are you going to do right now?

SPEAKER_02 1:34:35

What are you gonna do about it?

SPEAKER_00 1:34:36

Nothing.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:37

Rubber bank.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:38

Alright. I got your girlfriend pregnant. Say sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:44

Apologize. What are you gonna do about it? Rubber bank.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:50

I guess I feel like I have no other options. I wouldn't have done this if you didn't do this to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:58

Yeah. I need to support a family now.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:02

I don't know. Uh number 12. Making it a public spectacle.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:07

Oh that's dirty laundry, right? Like put your business out on Facebook.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:12

Oh, okay. That's what dirty laundry is. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:15

Yeah. It's like bad gossip. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:19

Looping in others, venting online, or confronting in front of people.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:25

Yes. I'm gonna make a speech live on Facebook about all the drama that's going on in my life right now. I'm also gonna admit that I've robbed banks.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:36

And I got someone else's girlfriend pregnant and impressive though. Yeah. Yeah. At the same time.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:43

So that's that.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:44

Oh, that was it.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:45

That was it. Um, so how do you feel?

SPEAKER_02 1:35:49

I feel good. Yeah. I feel like that's that's covered everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:54

I think so too.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:55

Are we all out of sips?

SPEAKER_00 1:35:56

Soon.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:57

Well then, as we're nearing the end of this episode, please tell me what is ruining your life.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:02

Oh yeah, my my hands. Yes. They're so dry. They they crack. Or I mean uh the skins. Yeah, the skin cracks. Uh I I had to to have band-aids on my fingers this week at work because I started bleeding.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:21

Everywhere. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:23

And we're working with books, and bloody books aren't good things.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:27

They don't sell very well.

What’s Ruining Our Lives And Closing

SPEAKER_00 1:36:29

No. So yeah. Uh not good. I don't uh I don't like my hands. And they hurt. And also I broke uh a nail today. That's not nice. That's also part of my hand, so so yeah, my hands are ruining my life.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:44

Need to do something about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:46

I I have you been using lotion or anything?

SPEAKER_00 1:36:50

I was gonna yesterday before bed, but I didn't find the tube. Okay, what's ruining your life?

SPEAKER_02 1:36:58

My body hurts, and I'm never comfortable due to this sickness. So it kind of makes me sad. Yeah. There's also a spot on my glasses I can't get off. Yeah. Apparently. But that's not relevant. That's all.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:15

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:15

Are you out of sips now?

SPEAKER_00 1:37:17

Uh I'm out of sips and we're out of episode.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:20

Would you like to wrap this up?

SPEAKER_00 1:37:22

Let's wrap it up.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:23

Alright. Thank you for listening to this episode. I have a question though. What did we learn today?

SPEAKER_00 1:37:28

We did actually learn something, I think. Or did we?

SPEAKER_02 1:37:32

We did. I believe uh get to the point. Just say the thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:37

Yeah. And uh you shouldn't knock other people's girlfriends and robbing banks.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:44

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:45

Yeah, don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:47

That's a good thing to take from this episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:49

Yeah. Stop that.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:51

Just don't. If you ever consider it, just don't.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:54

Doesn't end well.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:55

No, I guess not. Alright, well, thank you for listening to this episode. It was fun and educational for once. And uh we'll be back next week, next Tuesday, with a brand new episode.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:10

This one's 166.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:12

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:13

So only five episodes 500 episodes to go. Only five more episodes.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:19

So we'll be back next week, and that's all. Actually, I do have a question for the people. Send us a text or send us some comments or something, and tell me about some really bad news you've had to deliver. And how did that go?

SPEAKER_00 1:38:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:40

Also, what was the worst news that you've received? Is also something.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:46

Yeah. Tell us if you did any of these uh examples that we how'd that go for you? Well, was it one of the good or bad?

SPEAKER_02 1:38:55

Yeah. And we will read it on next week's episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:00

So we'll be back then. Have a good nice life, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:04

Yes. And until next time.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:07

Goodbye.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:07

Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:08

Thank you for listening to the Roasty Toasty Ghosty Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:12

If you kinda liked our episode, follow us on the social medias. We are on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube at Roasty Toasty Ghosty Pod.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:22

And Twitch at Roasty Toasty Ghosty Podcast, where we play live Man Lives every month.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:27

Consider supporting us on Buzzsprout, where you can find deleted content and our entire movie night lists.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:35

We hope you enjoyed this episode just as we enjoyed making it.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:39

And we'll be back with another one next Tuesday on a podcast provider near you.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:44

Goodbye, Matthias.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:45

Goodbye, Lauren.